Help, Lord.
Psalm 12:1
God, my God, I cry out. Your beloved needs You now.
Bebo Norman, Jason Ingram
Today has been a hard day. I have felt pretty terrible since morning. My ability to deal with ANY stress is non-existent. In trying to talk with the nurse of my "good doctor," I came away trembling from what felt like a lack of understanding on her part and a negative initial reaction on the part of the doctor to what I consider an informed approach that I would like to take in dealing with the adrenal/thyroid issues. I'm struggling with a near-hopeless feeling that this conundrum will ever be solved of finding a doctor who is accessible, able to listen, respects my desire to understand and be involved in the figuring out of my issues and not adverse to me taking a very active part in formulating a treatment plan. And the nausea and heart palps just deck me. It all makes everything so very difficult to handle. And the ups and downs, thinking I'm doing better, heading in an upward direction, and then crashing again, is hard.
Bebo Norman's song, "I Will Lift My Eyes" is on my mind. As is Amy Grant's "Better Than a Hallelujah"
We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody.
Beautiful the mess we are,
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a hallelujah sometimes.
Sarah Hart, Chapin Hartford
I'm pretty fragile right now. And these songs minister to me in the midst.
I have formulated a letter, which is in the process of revision, that I will be sending to my "good doctor" tomorrow to try to help get us both on the same page, and perhaps we can work from there. Perhaps not, too, and I just want to hear what God wants here. I am willing to pursue wherever He directs.
I had the gall bladder ultrasound this morning and will hear tomorrow, probably, if there is a problem or whether it has been ruled out. The labs taken yesterday will be in next week sometime.
Thanks for praying with us through the ups and downs. We appreciate you more than perhaps you know.
Today's Prayer Requests:
~ Perseverance in handling infirmity when I feel like giving up.
~ Patience with the process. I want changes yesterday, you know?
~ That this won't consume me. It is so hard to get outside of infirmity.
~ Knowing and feeling God's presence in the midst. "Your beloved needs You now."
~ This letter and a doctor I can work with, locally or otherwise. Locally would be so amazing, but maybe it isn't to be.
Debbie, I want you to know that Joel and I have been praying for you daily. I'm so sorry today was rough, I hope tomorrow is better.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Steph. I appreciate you guys. A lot.
ReplyDeleteOh Debbie, it really saddens me to hear the hurt in your words. You must be feeling a lot like a Job through all of these trials. Music is such a gift, isn't it? It brings such comfort and healing. When we can't find the words to convey what is on our hearts, it seems like the Lord graciously puts a song on our hearts that says just what we feel but can't express...brings us closer to Him somehow. I'm sure all of this that you are going through must be getting old. Isn't it comforting to know that this life is not all there is? I know I, for one, can't WAIT to see what is to come! You're on my heart and in my prayers. Rest well tonight!
ReplyDeleteBrittany, thank you so much for your understanding words, and your valued prayers. I treasure them.
ReplyDeleteYes, music is an amazing vehicle of God's comfort and ministry. I love that He gave it to us. And I, too, am glad this isn't all there is!
I pray for you and your family often, and rejoice in what God has in store for you and Josiah. What blessing that God gave him to your family where he will be treasured for the gift he is.
Bless you.
The comparatively minor trials I face are, "in theory", being entrusted to the Lord, while I consider it all joy; so, I feel for you and the struggle. The same God who is faithful to me is faithful to you, even when it does not feel ilke it. We continue to pray for you and with you, Debbie. Habakkuk 3:16-19
ReplyDeletePraying that your doctor will be understanding and encouraged to have a patient so involved in her own care. Be anxious for nothing......Cast all your cares upon Him.
ReplyDeleteRich, thank you for praying and for your encouraging words. I love that passage in Habakkuk. It hangs beside my bed, penned by my daughter for me during a time of distress.
ReplyDeleteAnd He is faithful. Always. I'm so glad.
Leanna, thanks for praying that particular prayer. I appreciate it. And you guys. I am confident, in the midst, that He is - and will be - leading in this doctor thing. He only gives good gifts, and the struggle is a good gift. I need to watch for that. :-)
ReplyDeleteDebbie, The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.
ReplyDeleteThe evening blessing. Thank you, Karlinda.
ReplyDelete