As the year wanes.....

"I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

"I will not demand that God explain Himself to me at any time,

for this is characteristic of the unregenerate man.

I must be willing to let God be unreasonable, in my view, if necessary,

because He is not concerned with my understanding, but with my faith.

The unregenerate man sees contradiction in the world

and demands that God justify Himself before him;

the believing man makes no such demand,

but believes God supremely."

W. Glyn Evans from 'Daily With the King'

The quotation above is something I read recently and it reinforced what I know to be true.  God is God, He doesn't have to answer to anyone, and He can do whatever He wants to.  The key to intimacy with Him is to recognize this truth and walk in faith, believing Him "supremely," without demanding He answer my questions or my pleas for changed circumstances.  Period.  There's freedom in that.  :-)

2013  is closing its eyes and tomorrow 2014 will be rising, a clean slate of a year, the events yet unknown.  I'm looking forward to it!  In light of that, I thought I'd give just a bit of an update.

There really isn't much to report.  I am still basically in the same place physically as I've been for a long time.  I have gained about 2 pounds over the past 5 or 6 weeks, which is a really good thing.  And then I did receive one piece of information that has been helpful to my psyche, that being the chronic pancreatitis that I've had for the past few years, is most likely responsible for the cyclic nature of my "ups and downs, good days and bad days."  Somehow knowing this has helped me deal with the more difficult stretches.  In the reading that I've done on chronic pancreatitis, I've become aware that 70% of chronic cases are triggered by bouts of acute pancreatitis brought on by alcohol abuse.  30% is idiopathic, meaning there is no known reason for it's appearance.  This is the category into which I fall.  The only thing I've discovered that may be related to my issues is it is sometimes brought on by major stress. *Ding Ding Ding!*  To quote a little movie sidekick, "Stress, it's a killer, Sir."

At this point, I don't really know if there's anything I can be doing to help my pancreas heal, other than to dial back my activities, work diligently to manage my stress levels in the areas over which I have some control, and get lots of rest.  I'll be talking more extensively with my doctor in January about whether he has any additional recommendations for encouraging pancreatic healing outside of what we're already doing.

So, I extend to you a blessing in the last hours of 2013 here on the west coast:

The LORD bless you, and keep you; 

The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; 

The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' 

Numbers 6:24-26

Again and always, thank you so much for praying with us through these years.  You are each such a blessing to us.

Come with Me to a quiet place.......

"Come with Me to a quiet place,

........and rest."

Mark 6:31

"Your relationship with the Lord should never be legalistic.

It should be because you want to be with Him,

because you need to be with Him."

Kay Arthur

Yesterday I read the above quotation by Kay Arthur.  For those of you who don't know who she is, she has been writing and teaching inductive Bible Studies for decades.  Her earthly platform has been Precept Ministries.  I took and taught Precept courses in the 80's and 90's, and much of my spiritual foundation was formed through those studies.  Her life is an example of the passion of loving Jesus, and reveling in the fact that He loves her, even her, after all she has done that is not glorifying to Him.  I want that in my life, too.  Remembering what it cost Him to save me, even me, and loving Him, wanting to be with Him, needing Him so.

Then today I came across the Mark passage in a most unlikely place.  We are on the hunt for a different vehicle, and I was at a local auto dealer checking out a rig.  On the wall of the dealership office was a tapestry with Mark 6:31 on it.  I had actually yearned for a passage that expressed the heart of Jesus toward me, inviting me to just be with Him because He wants to be with me --  kind of like the basis on which Kay's quotation was made from the human side of the relationship -- and here it was, totally unexpectedly.  

In the midst of the ongoing search for understanding what my body is doing and not doing, I had a good phone appointment with my doctor, Matt, on Monday.  We went over the DNA stool test results, and even delved a little into the genetic testing results that he has started to wade through.  There is SO much.

As I understand it -- and my understanding is limited at best -- I have thyroid issues; I need to boost my amino acid intake to help with protein issues and hopefully weight gain; my immune response is low;  I continue to have an imbalance in good/bad intestinal bacteria and there is yeast present, both of which contribute to my intestinal health and digestive issues (dysbiosis); I have some MTHFR mutations, the bottom line of which means that I have problems with processing B vitamins and with detoxing, among other things.  (It is very confusing to me and I don't really have a handle on it yet.  HERE is an article that simplifies the MTHFR information and helped it make some sense to me.)

I am on a treatment plan that addresses all of the above issues and am taking meds and supplements for the thyroid problems, the amino acid issues, several things that are working to help support my immune response, more and different meds/supplements to help with gut dysbiosis represented by the bacteria and yeast imbalances, and then a couple of things to help with the results of the MTHFR mutations.  

It's yet a long haul.  I am still very much up and down in how I feel, often in the same day.  :-)  Nonetheless, God never changes and without Him I can do nothing anyway, the learning of which is something I value greatly in the midst of this time in my life.

In talking with a friend not too long ago, I expressed that I desire to be well, so much.  At the same time, I am not kicking against where I am and am content to be here because it is where God has me.  And I don't want to be anywhere He doesn't want me.  I know there are those who may say that God doesn't want me sick.  And perhaps that is true, but the fact is that I am.  And if I'm not accepting of that and thanking Him for it, I am not in the right place.  I think of Amy Carmichael who was sick a long time.  Her testimony has been an encouragement to so many people through the decades, and God has been glorified through it.  That's what I want, as well, to glorify Him no matter my condition in this life.  Whether I am ill or well, hurting or not, I want His glory to be the focus, and then trust Him for me.

I think what we'd appreciate prayer for most at this point is that God will give Matt the supernatural ability to discern what my test results actually mean and the best course to treat what he finds.  The other thing is that with introducing so many new treatment elements, it's hard to discern those to which I might be reacting or, conversely, those which are doing good.  And my responses to food and supplements aren't necessarily consistent anyway, so it makes it doubly hard in some ways.

Thanks so much for praying with us.  We appreciate you greatly, each one.  Bless you.

The deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love.

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus.

From The Deep, Deep Love

Sovereign Grace Music Company

This song has been running through my mind for days.  So much truth in so few words.  ALL I need is His love.  His deep, deep love.  No matter the storms that this life brings.  No matter the joys, either.  He doesn't often leave us without the blessing of the love of others, or of the blessings and joys of the fullness of life.  Those blessings are part of His deep, deep love.  But in the end, it is His love that I need.  All I need.

In the past month, I've mostly been dealing with the same old stuff with a few new difficulties added in here and there.  We had a bit of a scare last week with weight loss again and difficulty with finding things to eat, so I talked with Dr. Matt on Friday and in the process we went over my recent blood work and discovered a few things that we can work on.  Low thyroid, low protein, low B and D vitamins (not a big surprise!), and low glucose levels which he thinks could be at least partly responsible for the continuous nausea.  So, I'll be starting natural thyroid this week, I'm taking an amino acid supplement for the protein problems and will be using highly absorbable B and D vitamin drops.  For the low glucose he is recommending trying some of the more innocuous (to me) fresh fruits every few hours to try to bring those levels up.  Then he has ordered another DNA stool test because he learned at a seminar a couple of weeks ago that there have been many false test results coming out of some of the labs, the one I previously used being one of them. We'll be using the only one of the bunch that hasn't had false results.  So, that's on the docket to try to see if we can determine why I'm continuing to have so many gut issues, regardless of the treatments we've tried.  The genetic testing results won't be back for another few weeks, so no news on that front yet.

In the midst of my health issues, our family is struggling with one of those heart-hurting situations in life that I'm not at liberty to talk about.  But it weighs heavily on all of us, and we would covet your prayers that God would have His way and use it for the good of those who love Him, and in the process bring glory to Himself.  He is so able.  

Thanks, once again, for praying with us.  We are so, so grateful.  Bless you, each one.

Fearfully and wonderfully made......

I will give thanks to You,

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Thank you to those of you who have inquired about my appointment today.  I'll give a brief overview before I drop into bed.  It's been a long day.

My time with Dr. Matt was good, as it always is.  He is one of the best listeners I've met, my husband being THE best.  :-)  After giving him a verbal update on the past year since I last saw him, we talked about the different possibilities of what is going on.  He zeroed in on "genetic mutation" and we spent the rest of the appointment talking about that.  It's not something I am familiar with at all, other than having heard about it for the first time a couple of weeks ago.  It is a rising field in the world of medicine and those who are researching and teaching about it are working at raising awareness.  To date, it is the deepest level of medicine we have available to us, being that it works at the genetic, cellular level.

My understanding of it is very minimal, but what I'm gathering is that when genes mutate, the ability of the cells to communicate and fulfill their function is impaired resulting in the inability to detoxify properly, as well as other functions being altered, resulting in disease.  That's the minimalistic understanding I have at this point.  Different mutations affect different bodily functions from mental to cardiovascular to digestive, etc.

The testing for these mutations has historically been prohibitively expensive, which has limited the ability of many to pursue this area of medical help.  A woman who was doing research on genetic mutation married someone high up in the Google construct.  He gave her $10 million to help with her research, one of the results being that there is now testing available to the general public for $99.  Matt has recommended that I have the testing done and then he will evaluate the results and, if this is what is going on, start trying to put the puzzle pieces together to devise a treatment plan.  There is no wonder-drug treatment to fix the mutations, rather finding ways to help the cells do their jobs in spite of the mutations.

Again, my knowledge of this is extremely limited right now and I don't know if I've gotten this right at all, but I'll share here as I learn more.

It will be a couple of months before we have answers, being that the test results have to come back and then - if this is what we're dealing with - Matt says he'll need about 4 weeks to evaluate and figure out what to do.  Each individual is different and the combinations of mutations and the resultant issues and treatment options are many, and it will take him awhile to sort it all out.

Thank you so much for praying.  I feel as if the Lord did illuminate something for Matt today.  Now we will see if it is what is going on, or if it's one more thing to eliminate in our search.  As I contemplate the possibilities here, I am in awe of the fact that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Truly.

If you're interested in looking at any of this stuff, here are a couple of links:

Dr. Ben Lynch at mthfr.net

23andMe (testing) at  https://www.23andme.com/

No news, just some encouragement that helped me.....

Nothing new to report here, but the Lord has been talking to me again about His strength versus my strength, and different facets of that, and I wanted to share this.  I love how He repeats Himself and helps me to hear Him by doing that.

"Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure.  Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability.  Some succeed enormously; others fail miserably.  But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me.

When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes.  You see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and "coincidences."  You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do.  You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness.*  You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior.  You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me,** desiring that I live in you.  I in you, and you in Me.***  This  is the intimate adventure I offer you." From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

*2 Corinthians 12:9-10   **Acts 17:28   ***John 14:20

It makes me think of a line in my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision.....

"be Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one."

The history of the hymn is fascinating to me.  Apparently it originated in the 6th century in Old Irish, was translated into English in 1905 by Mary Elizabeth Byrne, and then was versified in 1912 by Eleanor Hull and is how we know it today.  Such great words of truth!

Be Thou My Vision 

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

Be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought in the day and the night,

Both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light 

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,

Be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;

Be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;

Be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one. 

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;

Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;

Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:

O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power. 

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Be thou mine inheritance now and always;

Be thou and thou only the first in my heart;

O Sovereign of Heaven, my treasure thou art. 

High King of Heaven, thou Heaven's bright sun,

O grant me its joys after victory is won!;

Great heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Next Steps.....

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is perfected in weakness."

Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grow strong in your weakness.  Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.  This is how you grow strong in your weakness."  From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

This was my devotional reading for yesterday, and I've read it again several times in the past 24 hours.  It is a sweet encouragement to me in the midst.  Frailty and fragility are the things that He is using to to teach me dependence on Him.  Not fight it.  Not try to plan myself out of it.  But relax into trusting Him to give me what I need when I need it.  There is great peace in that.  Not that it isn't hard.  It is.  So very hard at times.  But hard doesn't have to equal turmoil, distress or fear.  So, I thank Him for this very apt Word for me right now.  I love how He does that.  I love Him.

So, after praying and talking and praying some more, Dale and I have decided that I should go back to my original ND, who is a vibrant believer as well as a really good doctor, and see if he can put the pieces together of this 3 1/2-year-long puzzle. I go on the 11th of this month.  That gives me a little time to put together a chronology of the past year's events since I last conferred with him.

As has been characteristic of this journey, God has continued to provide the resources necessary to continue walking the medical path in front of us.  We thank those of you who have blessed us with gifts, and praise God for His provision through His saints.  We are so incredibly grateful.

How you can pray for us:

• My ability to assemble a clear representation of the events and treatments of the past year, the meds I've taken, and the resultant state in which I currently am.
• Encouragement for Dale in the midst.  It's so hard for him to watch me go through this.
• Ditto for the rest of my family.
• Supernatural wisdom for Dr. Matt when I see him on the 11th.  He asks for it every time.  I ask for it for him every time.  Please join us in this request as we expect God to answer.  I pray Colossians 1:9-11 all the time for my doctors and for us as we sift through all the information that comes across my desk, so to speak.

Thank you so much for praying with us.  You are a blessing, each one.

Behold, your God will come.........

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. 

Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not.

Behold, your God will come........."

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened

And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. 

Then the lame will leap like a deer,

And the tongue of the mute will shout for joy.

For waters will break forth in the wilderness

And streams in the Arabah. 

A highway will be there, a roadway,

And it will be called the Highway of Holiness.....

.....the redeemed will walk there, 

And the ransomed of the LORD will return

And come with joyful shouting to Zion,

With everlasting joy upon their heads.

They will find gladness and joy,

And sorrow and sighing will flee away. 

Isaiah 35, selections from verses 1-10

Sometimes I go awhile without writing because there is nothing really new.  Or I feel as if I should just be quiet for a time.  Sometimes I don't want to share because it's the same old thing......no good news.  Some days, like today, I feel the need to write and ask for the prayers of the saints because I am discouraged, frustrated and confused.  Isaiah 35 talks about encouraging the exhausted and strengthening the feeble, speaking truth to those who are anxious.  I need that, and I'm so grateful that His Word always speaks to every situation, is new no matter how many times I read it.  Today is no exception.  I look forward to that part at the end where sorrow and sighing flee away.  :-)

Dale and I covet your prayers as we once again try to figure out the next step.  It seems that every treatment I've undergone has resulted in me feeling worse.  In treating the possibility of Candida, I've been on Nystatin, - two different types - for weeks now with no improvement.  And the past few days have been pretty rugged.

So many thoughts are running through my head as to what to do.  Information from past doctors, new information from outside sources and people who have walked this path, a longing for someone to be able to put all the pieces together and really determine what is going on.

Please pray with us, once again, for God to give light to our path.  And we need wisdom, always.  James says if we ask in faith, without doubting, He will give wisdom.  And Paul's prayer in Colossians 1 is a foundation for me....."I ask that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

I rest in His sovereignty, asking that He bring glory to Himself through my life and its trials, at the same time longing for health.

Thank you for joining us in prayer so faithfully.  And your gentle inquiries and encouraging words also mean a great deal.  Bless you, each one.

A Quick Update

Dear Ones, this is just a quick update to let you know that I've started the new meds (Nystatin) for Candida yeast overgrowth, which the insurance is covering, praise God.  The meds can make me feel as bad as the disease and it continues to be a rough patch.  However, since it appears that the meds are making me feel sick, that would seem to indicate that there is an overgrowth of Candida, so we'll stay the course and see how things go over the next couple of months.

I so appreciate your prayers during these coming weeks.  It's really a day-at-a-time, sometimes an hour-at-a-time getting through the nausea and tiredness when they hit hard.  It helps to have low-key things to do, so I try to have projects at hand to distract me, so to speak.  :-)

In the midst, my dear daughter Jessie has a wonderful blog post today about the centrality of Christ.  It brought a sense of undergirding to me today.  She is a wonderful writer and if you'd like to read it and perhaps be blessed as I was, you can read it here.

Thanks so much for praying.  I'll keep you updated as we go along here.

Every Day......

In this you greatly rejoice,

even though now for a little while, if necessary,

you have been distressed by various trials, 

so that the proof of your faith,

being more precious than gold which is perishable,

even though tested by fire,

may be found to result in

praise and glory and honor

at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

1 Peter 1:6 & 7

Over two years ago, I posted this verse and these song lyrics in an update on this blog.  I was looking at the lyrics again tonight and realized how the truth of them remains through the days and months of life, because they are based on the truth of Scripture.  I love this song.  I can now offer a link to it on YouTube.

Every Day

In Your grace You know where I walk.

You know when I fall, You know all my ways.

In Your love I know You allow

what I cannot grasp to bring You praise.

Thank You for the trial,

for the fire, for the pain.

Thank You for the strength,

Knowing You have ordained every day.

Your great power is shown when I'm weak.

You help me to see Your love in this place.

Perfect peace is filling my mind

and drawing my heart to praise You again.

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need

to know You're with me every day.

Joel Sezebel and Todd Twining

The past two weeks have been another rough patch along the trail.  I've been blessed with two good days, one of which was today and the other of which was last Thursday, and an incredible gift.  I was able to go to Tillamook with some of my quilt group and view antique quilts at the Latimer Textile and Quilt Center.  If you'd like, you can read about our day here.  It was fabulous and I'm so grateful to the Lord for blessing me with that day.

I talked with my doctor again yesterday, a week earlier than anticipated.  I've been struggling with a number of new symptoms and I'm just so confused.  The doctor thinks there's a good chance that Candida yeast has reared its ugly head, so we'll be treating for that as soon as the insurance company gets on board.  I dealt with the same thing about 25 years ago when my daughter Maggie was a baby.  In some people it just never really goes away, and vigilance is the best treatment.  While my diet isn't conducive to feeding yeast, all the meds I've been taking can trigger a flare.  So, we'll see what happens when I start the new meds.  If it is yeast, I'll be experiencing die-off symptoms (which can be pretty tough) and then we'll know.  If nothing happens, we're probably barking up the wrong tree.

I'm going to close for tonight, but I'll write again soon and let you know how things are going.

Bless you, each one.

Quick Update

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 

  who comforts us in all our affliction

so that we will be able to comfort those

who are in any affliction with the comfort

with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How I've found this to be true.  Affliction causes a deeper appreciation and understanding of the suffering of others.  I pray that mine will produce the ability to comfort others as God has comforted me.

I have completed the most recent course of antibiotic treatment recommended by my new doctor.  At this point, there doesn't seem to be any change in my symptoms.  I'm taking an intensive course of probiotics for the next few weeks and we'll see if that increases the number of good bacteria in my system.  He says that usually in about a month, the allergy issues show improvement if all allergens have been avoided.  I'm doing well on that point, so we'll see if the next couple of weeks show any difference in that arena.

For the past 5 days, I've been beset with major flu-like nausea again.  It's been awhile since it's been this bad.  I'd appreciate prayer as we continue to walk this path.

Bless each of you for your involvement in our lives through prayer and encouragement.  We're so grateful.

Good Information.....

Therefore, having been justified by faith,

we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 

through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith

into this grace in which we stand;

and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations,

knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 

and perseverance, proven character;

and proven character, hope; 

and hope does not disappoint,

because the love of God

has been poured out within our hearts

through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:2-5

In my devotions lately, I've been reading in Romans.  Oh, what a book.  This particular passage hit home all over again, and I am encouraged by it.

In Romans 8, Paul talks about the fact that we have been saved in hope, "but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?" (8:24)  Having hope for something that is as yet unseen is an amazing thing.  It keeps me going.

Truly, "while there is life, there is hope."  We'd smother without it.

So, we are once again on the threshold of hope with my health journey.

I talked with my new doctor today to review the allergy and stool testing results.  There are 3 really interesting pieces of information:

1.  I am highly allergic to eggs and almonds, as well as to several other specific foods, but to a lesser degree.

2. My stool test reveals that I have only one opportunistic bacteria that is overgrown and that the populations of 6 out of 8 good bacteria are way too low.  There are no pathogenic bacteria or parasite issues.  Nothing is showing on yeast either, though that is a hard one to really determine because they know how to hide really well.

3. The test they ran for my sensitivity or resistance to various pharmaceutical and botanical antibiotics shows that I am resistant to four of the 23 for which I was tested.  Two of them are Allin (garlic) and Rifaxamin.  These are the two that we used to treat SIBO which resulted in higher levels of bacterial overgrowth.  What an amazing thing to discover!

So, the treatment plan is first to avoid the foods to which I am allergic.  And second, to use Berberine, a botanical antibiotic, which the doctor believes will get rid of the opportunistic bacteria strain, and then take a high-powered probiotic to build up the good bacteria which I am lacking.

The outlook from the doctor's perspective is that I will probably be experiencing die-off for the next few weeks, which is normal and I've been through it before.  And then that I should be noticing a difference within about a month in how I'm feeling and how my gut is working.

Time will tell, and during the ensuing month, hope will win.  Again.

Thank you for praying with us.  I'll let you know how it's going as we progress through June and July!

Next steps.....

We live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

As you sit quietly in my Presence, remember that I am a God of abundance.  I will never run out of resources; My capacity to bless you is unlimited.  It is impossible for you to comprehend the lavishness of My provisions: the fullness of My glorious riches.  Even now you have access to as much of Me as you have faith to receive.  Rejoice in My abundance--living by faith, not by sight.

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Just a quick update here for all of you.  My appointment with Doctor #8 went well on Tuesday, I think.  He is a good listener and conservative in his approach to testing beyond the immediate things he sees as necessary.  Two particular types of testing are what we are pursuing right now.  Blood anti-body tests for food allergens and a DNA stool test which is able to determine things beyond the normal cultured stool tests.  He's looking for food allergens in three different antibody types, and the stool tests look for bacteria, yeast and parasites, and a number of things related to them.  We won't know anything for 3-4 weeks and then at that point I'll be able to eliminate the foods indicated as allergens and start whatever treatment is indicated for the revealed bowel ecology issues.

I am cautiously optimistic.  There've been a number of times where we've thought, "Aha!  This is the problem and when we treat it, I'll be headed for feeling better," but each time has brought the reverse.  So, we walk by faith, not by sight, knowing that God has this covered and whatever He desires for me will be played out.

Thanks for your faithfulness in praying for us.  When I talk with those of you I see and you ask how I'm doing, letting me know of your continued support in prayer, it encourages me so much.  We are greatly blessed by all of you.

Doctor Number Eight!

"For I am the LORD, your God,

who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

'Do not fear; I will help you.' "

Isaiah 41:13

Do not long for the absence of problems in your life.  That is an unrealistic goal, since in this world you will have trouble.  You have an eternity of problem-free living reserved for you in heaven.  Rejoice in that inheritance, which no one can take away from you, but do not seek your heaven on earth.

Begin each day anticipating problems, asking Me to equip you for whatever difficulties you will encounter.  The best equipping is My living Presence, My hand that never lets go of yours.  Discuss everything with Me.  Take a lighthearted view of trouble, seeing it as a challenge that you and I together can handle.  Remember that I am on your side, and I have overcome the world.

Sarah Young in Jesus Calling

Once again, Jesus Calling has hit the mark in my heart. Especially that second paragraph. "Discuss everything with Me...see trouble as a challenge that you and I together can handle."  The aspect of drawing near to Him to tap into His strength and power.  Mine doesn't cut it.  Never has and never will.  Just that thought is comforting.  Climbing up in His lap and letting Him rock me as we work through the issues.  Every. Minute.

So, a little update here.  

Since I last wrote almost a month ago, we have been sitting before the Lord, asking Him to please make clear the next step.  We considered another round of herbal antibiotics, considered seeing a local ND and also the possibility of going to the IBS Treatment Center in the Seattle area.  After considerable prayer, thinking and talking, we've decided to pursue the IBS Center.  I had a phone consult with the doctor last week and will travel to Seattle next week for an intake appointment and a litany of tests.  Once again we find ourselves in a place of hope that this next part of the journey will reveal truth in my situation.  It is also difficult, because we've felt this way many times before, but to no avail.

Blessedly, the Lord allowed a two-week respite for me in which I felt as well as I have for a long time.  The nausea has closed in again, but it was so good to be free of it for those days.  Perhaps Doctor #8, with his powerhouse of testing, will be able to solve the mystery of what ails me.  We'd surely appreciate prayer in that direction.

Bless each of you for your continued prayer and support in our lives.  We are so very grateful for you.

This is the day the Lord has made.....

This is the day the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

"Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life.  Be careful not to complain about anything, since I am the Author of your circumstances.  The best way to handle  unwanted situations is to thank Me for them.  This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation so that good emerges from it.

To find Joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries.  I knew what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four-hour segments.  I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time.  Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past.  There is abundant Life in My Presence today."

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I need these reminders today, to thank Him for unwanted situations and to not worry about tomorrow.  I find myself in a place where it would be easy to succumb to tears of frustration and to descend into melancholy over the seemingly endless journey of my health issues.

I finished the course of "big guns" antibiotic treatment last week and then took the SIBO breath test again on Monday.  I talked with my doctor today via Skype to get the results and discuss the findings.

There are two elements the breath test evaluates: methane and hydrogen.  Both are indicators in SIBO.  The first test showed moderate to severe levels of both.  The second test showed elevated levels of both, pushing the results to the severe level.  This third test shows that the methane is at a negative level which means it's under control.  The hydrogen levels, however, have spiraled way up.  The numbers will tell you more than I can.  From first test to third, these are the findings: 51 - 71 - 144.  So, the hydrogen has more than doubled while using the big guns.  My doctor is at a loss to understand what is going on.  She hopes to talk about my case with the doctor under whom she has studied about SIBO.  Meanwhile, we will be trying another herbal antibiotic and seeing a local doctor next week for some further testing.  In the midst, I am seeing no improvement in my symptoms.  Still up and down with good and bad days.  No rhyme or reason to either.

As Jessie says, "We need Doctor Jesus."  Amen.

How you can pray:

1. Bolstering of my faith and spirits.

2. That my doctor would be able to talk with the specialist in LA about my case.

3. That testing will reveal something if there's something else going on.

4. That God will provide the resources we need to continue this journey.

5. That all of us in our family will feel the encouragement and comfort of the Lord in the midst.

Thank you so much for praying.  Bless each of you.

Day 9 Update

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

It's day 9 today of antibiotic treatment.  More than halfway through this course.  

I am feeling really crummy today.  Yesterday wasn't great either.  Long-standing low-level headache, nausea and fatigue.  My doctor has been in touch with me, which I greatly appreciate, and we're walking through the issues.

Thanks for praying.  Perseverance and trust.  Peace and joy.  These are things I desire.  John 16:33 gives me encouragement!  He's overcome the world, and He has made me an overcomer by His Spirit.  

"Lead on, Jesus.  And thank You for the unfathomable gift of Your love and sacrifice as we anticipate the joy of remembering Your resurrection."  He is Risen!

Day 3 Update on Meds

The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,

For His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Just a quick update......

I'm on day 3 of the "big guns" and doing okay so far.  Dale and I were both really anxious on Wednesday about one of the meds and the possible severe side-effects.  So much so that I decided I needed to call my doctor and talk with her about it.  She returned my call the next morning (yesterday) and was able to explain why she is comfortable prescribing this particular med (neomycin).

The FDA warnings include the possibility of kidney problems and hearing loss.  When she went through treatment, she had the same concerns, obviously, and when she began treating SIBO patients, she had real questions as to whether this drug was actually okay to prescribe.  She took about a year to research the FDA claims, and the conclusion she has drawn indicates that the IV form of neomycin is indeed plagued with the very real and documented risk of kidney issues and hearing loss, however, the oral meds have no history of causing the same issues.  She talked with many pharmacists, doctors, and members of one other entity, the identity of which I'm not remembering.  They all confirm that they have seen no incidence of kidney or hearing issues in the use of oral neomycin.  This has been a great relief to us.

As of today, Day 3, I am not experiencing any of the other potentially nasty side-effects.  I'm just really tired.  And as Dale says, that's the easiest of the possibilities to deal with.  I agree!

Thanks so much for praying for us.  I'll keep you updated as we go.

Medication Update

I have strength for all things

in Christ Who empowers me

[I am ready for anything and equal to anything

through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; 

I am self sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Phillippians 4:13 AMP

"Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth;

it is living in continual dependence on Me.

Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold,

relax and be on the lookout for what I am doing.

This mind-set will free you to enjoy Me

and find what I have planned for you to do.

This is far better than trying to make things go

according to your own plan."

Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

On almost a daily basis, Jesus Calling - the devotional by Sarah Young - ministers to me.  This particular passage from March 16th, especially so.  I am a "plan and organize" person.  Or I guess I should say I have been.  In the past couple of years as we've walked this challenging health pathway, I have had to abandon my plans and my organizing tendencies over and over again.  The encouragement to live in continual dependence on God instead of trying to fit the days into preconceived molds, and watching for what He is doing and following His plan, really hit home.  Thank You, Jesus, for Your awesome good Words to me.  To us all.

After 2 1/2 months of waiting on doctors and insurance company policy, we have obtained a pre-approval for the "big guns" medications.  The insurance company has agreed to pay half of the cost of the $800+ medication and I will start that, coupled with another med, tomorrow.  We would greatly appreciate prayer on a few fronts.

First, that the meds will actually do their job and eradicate the bacterial overgrowth in one course.  We don't want to have to pay for a second course with the cost so steep, nor do we want the meds in my system any longer than the first two weeks.

Second, one of these meds has potentially serious side-effects, and we're praying protection from that.  As in hearing loss and kidney problems.

Third, that my gut will respond favorably to these antibiotics in that I won't experience the unpleasantness of diarrhea or severe constipation, and that there will be no yeast overgrowth.

Fourth, that I'll be able to discern what supplements and other intestinal tract helps are needed at specific times to guard against all of the above.

I will keep you all posted as we go through these next two weeks.  Thanks so much for praying.  I know I say it often, but we really don't know where we'd be without the prayers of the saints.  Bless you, each one.

Quietness and trust.....

There is no real change in anything at this point.  Still waiting on medication and insurance snafus.  Hopefully in another couple of weeks we'll know more.

I mostly just want to share this devotional from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  It ministered to me greatly.  It's all stuff I need to keep learning (or re-learning!).  This time around, something that really caught my eye and heart from Isaiah 30 is the last phrase, "but you would have none of it."

"Repentance and rest, quietness and trust....but you would have none of it."

I battle the voices of my youth which shout that it's not okay to be quiet and rest.  "Busy-ness is the most important thing.  Getting things accomplished is where worth lies.  With achievement comes approval."  And on and on.  So, God's voice needs to be louder than the others, and defeat them.  I don't want to be accused by Him of "having none of it," ........the things that are important to Him.  I need to learn deep down that it's really okay to be quiet and rest and not feel guilty when I am sitting reading or quilting of an afternoon.  Because that is where He has me right now.

So, here you go.....

Jesus Calling - February 16

Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Some of the greatest works in My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells.  Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me.

Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you.  Do not despise these simple ways of serving Me.  Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms.  My Strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness. 

Be still before the Lord, all mankind,

because He has roused Himself from His holy dwelling.

Zechariah 2:13

This is what the Sovereign Lord,

the Holy One of Israels, says:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

Isaiah 30:15

But He said to me,

My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you

[sufficient against any danger and enables you to
bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power
are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves
most effective in [your] weakness.

Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses
and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ
(the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

2 Corinthians 12:9 AMP

Conformed to the image of His Son....

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined
to become conformed to the image of His Son...

Rom 8:29

This past week has been a roller coaster for me.  After feeling as well as I have in a really long time, yesterday things came crashing down again.  The nausea is back with a vengeance.  No one knows why it went away or why it has returned.  Except God, of course!

After multiple conversations with both doctors, and calls to the pharmacy and our insurance provider, we are still waiting for a definitive go-ahead for the insurance to cover the most expensive of the meds I'm slated to take.  Because I was doing well, Dr. Allison and I had decided to wait and see what changes might come before deciding for sure on taking the "big guns," but wanted to have them ready to go should we choose to use them.  When we know more from the insurance provider, we will make that decision based on where I am at that time.

We'd appreciate continued prayer for wisdom and discernment as we make these medication decisions in the weeks ahead.  And I would covet your prayers as I ride this roller coaster.  It was awesome to feel good for that week!  At the same time, it is hard to feel well and then be plunged into feeling badly again, rather than to have the consistency of feeling lousy.  That is probably rather warped, but it's the truth of how I'm feeling. :-)

In the midst, the truth I know is that God is good.  All the time.  He can't be other than He is.  And He IS good.  And, amazingly, He loves me and is working out the conforming of me to the image of His Son, breaking away the stuff that doesn't look like Jesus.  Kinda like Michaelangelo did when he chipped away all the bits that weren't David or Jesus or Moses.  Before long there they were, having emerged because Michaelangelo saw them in those blocks of marble and in essence freed them to be what he had in his mind.

I really want to be who God made me to be.  Conformed to the image of His Son.  And all of this is part of it.  I'm convinced.  Doesn't mean it isn't hard.  But it's good for me to try to see things from that perspective. His perspective.  And give thanks and count it nothing but joy in the midst of trials, because He says that's what I'm to do and that there will be good results in my life because of it.  James is awesome.

Thanks for praying!  I know I've said it many times, but I mean it every single time.  I can't imagine where we'd be without your prayers.

Light.....

Light arises in the darkness for the upright;

He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.

Psalm 112:4

Light is in Him.  Grace. Compassion. Righteousness.  Such a blessed picture of our God.  It reminds me of the contrast between the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5.  The darkness of the flesh and the light of the Spirit.  Every time I read that passage, I feel myself recoil from and flinch at the description of the deeds of the flesh, and then yearn for and lean into the beauty of the fruit of the Spirit.  Darkness versus light.  All of us who know Him lived in darkness at one time.  But the darkness of the deeds of the flesh are behind us, and we are living in the light.  Light belongs to God.  It's Him, His essence.

"This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you,

that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all."

1 John 1:5 

I think living in the Northwest causes me to revel in light more than I ever have living elsewhere.  It was just common in California.  Hardly ever dark and cloudy for more than a few days running.  Same in Missouri.  Here I crave the light and delight in the moments when the sun breaks through the clouds on a dark day, and am so thankful for full sunny days when they come along.

So, wow.  I guess I kinda took off on that!  Where I was actually heading about the whole light thing was to say we would really be blessed by more light being shed on where I am now in the treatment and healing process.  That in His grace, compassion and righteousness, He would shine His light on the path we need to take.  Clearly.

I was able to see the colleague of Doctor Allison's this past week and it was a good appointment.  The "big guns" prescriptions have been called in again and I should be able to pick them up early this week - with my insurance covering them.  That's huge.

Since my appointment with Dr. Allison two weeks ago, I have felt better than I have for a long time.  I've changed a few things in my diet-and-supplement regime and started drinking well water (as opposed to filtered city water).  There have been several positive changes overall.  In light of that, I feel the need to talk with Dr. Allison again before I start the new course of medication to see if she has any input on the changes.  We'd appreciate prayer that we will hear the voice of the Lord in what I should do.  These antibiotics are still scary to me.  They represent the possibility of months of ill-effects, coupled with the hoped-for positive effects of killing off the bacterial overgrowth.  So, assurance that we're on the right path would be wonderful.

I'll let you all know what's up as we go along.  Thanks so much for praying!

Answers....

  God will hear and answer them--

Even the One who sits enthroned from of old.

Psalm 55:19

We have some answers to share.....not that silence isn't an answer, sometimes.  But we have some "audible" answers here today.

First, I heard from Dr. Siebecker that a compatriot of hers is willing to see me and prescribe the medication (in collaboration with her) so that our insurance will cover the expensive meds.  This new-to-me doctor is also from the Portland area and works with Dr. Siebecker in the SIBO arena.  We are so grateful for this apparent open door.  After I see her, we'll proceed with the meds and determine whether they are going to work for me.

Second, I have an appointment with a local naturopath/holistic doctor on Monday.   Our hope is that he will be willing to work with us and Dr. Siebecker for things that can be handled locally, such as IV therapy, should I need it in the future.

Third, I have actually gained a little weight this past week with the addition of some non-gluten grains to my diet.  My cognitive functions are better and I am stronger.  All of it good.  Though the grains aren't the best for the SIBO situation, it is more important right now to stay the weight loss spiral and then deal with the SIBO with the "big guns" medication.

Thank you so much for praying!  I will update again next week, or perhaps a little later, when we have more information on things.

Bless you, each one.

Specific Request

This is the confidence which we have before Him,

that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 

1 John 5:14

I have a specific prayer request today.  In trying to proceed on the path of pharmaceutical antibiotic treatment, we've run into a bit of a snag.  My prescribing doctor does not have one of two registry numbers which our insurance requires to cover prescription meds.  One of the numbers enables the prescribing of narcotics, which my doctor has no need to prescribe, so she does not have it.  Between us, we are trying to find a way to overcome this difficulty.  One of the meds, a specialty antibiotic, is extremely expensive.  Not only is it beyond our scope of being able to purchase it outside of insurance coverage, there is always the possibility that I may not tolerate the drug.  We don't want to end up with meds that cannot be used, no matter who pays for them.

So my request is first, that my doctor can solve the prescription problem via another doctor who has the required registry numbers and would be willing to see me and work as a team with us, and then that we would be able to devise a plan to test the meds without purchasing a full course.

We are ever mindful that the Great Physician knows all things and is the only One who knows what is best for me.  We trust that if this treatment path doesn't work out, He wants us to do something else.  I am totally confident in His leading and am resting in that.

Thank you so much for praying!

Our hope is in Him

"May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,

Even as we put our hope in You."

Psalm 33:22

Yesterday's doctor's appointment was interesting.  The most recent results from the breath test I did over the weekend show that the SIBO is substantially worse now after initial treatment than it was when first tested.  My symptoms bear this out.

This is something at which I shouldn't really be surprised.  In my medical history, there have been many times when my body hasn't responded "correctly" to medical treatments.  I am not "normal" in this way.

My doctor described this reaction as "angry bacteria."  Somehow they have risen up and proliferated, as opposed to dying in the face of killing levels of natural antibiotics.  The path she believes I need to follow now is to use the big guns - pharmaceutical antibiotics in various combinations in order to kill the bacteria, but also keep the possible yeast overgrowth in check, something about which I have to be very careful given my persistent history of Candida overgrowth.

The other thing she is recommending is that I get IV nutritional intervention therapy to help with the weight loss problem.  My ability to eat is severely hampered by my reactions to even my "safe" foods now.  So I am seeking to find a way to effect a solution to the IV therapy without having to go into the hospital.

I am currently reading a book called Brokenness by Nancy DeMoss.  The reality of brokenness in my life is something that I want to understand and have manifested in the way that will allow God to revive my heart.  The book is so very good.  The bottom line, as I understand it at this point, is that brokenness is a state of relinquishing my will completely and embracing His.  "Not my will, but Yours."  This involves the recognition and demolition of my pride and arrogance, replaced by true humility.

This is a beautiful stage for me see His power in bringing me to that point.  Anti-biotics and hospitals are two things that I seek to avoid at all costs.  Not my will, only His.

Please pray for us as we work through these new developments and the possible rocky days ahead.  I am very weary.  The struggle with difficult symptoms continues to take its toll.  And it's hard on my family.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Short Update

In everything give thanks.....

Count it all joy.....

I will praise the Lord all my life.....

1 Thessalonians 5:18; James 1:2; Psalm 146:2

...."Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark.  The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My power and glory at work in the situation.  Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for my glorious intervention."

Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

I have been, and continue to be, in a really rough stretch.  I've been in touch with my doctor, have re-tested for the presence of SIBO after my initial treatment, and will be seeing her this Thursday for reevaluation and update on diet and treatment.  I have so many questions.  She is wonderful at answering.  She has been through this herself, so the level of understanding and compassion is unmatched in my experience with doctors.  I am so grateful.

We are still flummoxed, though, and seek God's light in the dark places, that He would bring the dark mysteries to light.  This is certainly a marvelous stage on which He can show off!

Thank you for praying with us.