Conformed to the image of His Son....

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined
to become conformed to the image of His Son...

Rom 8:29

This past week has been a roller coaster for me.  After feeling as well as I have in a really long time, yesterday things came crashing down again.  The nausea is back with a vengeance.  No one knows why it went away or why it has returned.  Except God, of course!

After multiple conversations with both doctors, and calls to the pharmacy and our insurance provider, we are still waiting for a definitive go-ahead for the insurance to cover the most expensive of the meds I'm slated to take.  Because I was doing well, Dr. Allison and I had decided to wait and see what changes might come before deciding for sure on taking the "big guns," but wanted to have them ready to go should we choose to use them.  When we know more from the insurance provider, we will make that decision based on where I am at that time.

We'd appreciate continued prayer for wisdom and discernment as we make these medication decisions in the weeks ahead.  And I would covet your prayers as I ride this roller coaster.  It was awesome to feel good for that week!  At the same time, it is hard to feel well and then be plunged into feeling badly again, rather than to have the consistency of feeling lousy.  That is probably rather warped, but it's the truth of how I'm feeling. :-)

In the midst, the truth I know is that God is good.  All the time.  He can't be other than He is.  And He IS good.  And, amazingly, He loves me and is working out the conforming of me to the image of His Son, breaking away the stuff that doesn't look like Jesus.  Kinda like Michaelangelo did when he chipped away all the bits that weren't David or Jesus or Moses.  Before long there they were, having emerged because Michaelangelo saw them in those blocks of marble and in essence freed them to be what he had in his mind.

I really want to be who God made me to be.  Conformed to the image of His Son.  And all of this is part of it.  I'm convinced.  Doesn't mean it isn't hard.  But it's good for me to try to see things from that perspective. His perspective.  And give thanks and count it nothing but joy in the midst of trials, because He says that's what I'm to do and that there will be good results in my life because of it.  James is awesome.

Thanks for praying!  I know I've said it many times, but I mean it every single time.  I can't imagine where we'd be without your prayers.

Light.....

Light arises in the darkness for the upright;

He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.

Psalm 112:4

Light is in Him.  Grace. Compassion. Righteousness.  Such a blessed picture of our God.  It reminds me of the contrast between the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5.  The darkness of the flesh and the light of the Spirit.  Every time I read that passage, I feel myself recoil from and flinch at the description of the deeds of the flesh, and then yearn for and lean into the beauty of the fruit of the Spirit.  Darkness versus light.  All of us who know Him lived in darkness at one time.  But the darkness of the deeds of the flesh are behind us, and we are living in the light.  Light belongs to God.  It's Him, His essence.

"This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you,

that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all."

1 John 1:5 

I think living in the Northwest causes me to revel in light more than I ever have living elsewhere.  It was just common in California.  Hardly ever dark and cloudy for more than a few days running.  Same in Missouri.  Here I crave the light and delight in the moments when the sun breaks through the clouds on a dark day, and am so thankful for full sunny days when they come along.

So, wow.  I guess I kinda took off on that!  Where I was actually heading about the whole light thing was to say we would really be blessed by more light being shed on where I am now in the treatment and healing process.  That in His grace, compassion and righteousness, He would shine His light on the path we need to take.  Clearly.

I was able to see the colleague of Doctor Allison's this past week and it was a good appointment.  The "big guns" prescriptions have been called in again and I should be able to pick them up early this week - with my insurance covering them.  That's huge.

Since my appointment with Dr. Allison two weeks ago, I have felt better than I have for a long time.  I've changed a few things in my diet-and-supplement regime and started drinking well water (as opposed to filtered city water).  There have been several positive changes overall.  In light of that, I feel the need to talk with Dr. Allison again before I start the new course of medication to see if she has any input on the changes.  We'd appreciate prayer that we will hear the voice of the Lord in what I should do.  These antibiotics are still scary to me.  They represent the possibility of months of ill-effects, coupled with the hoped-for positive effects of killing off the bacterial overgrowth.  So, assurance that we're on the right path would be wonderful.

I'll let you all know what's up as we go along.  Thanks so much for praying!

Answers....

  God will hear and answer them--

Even the One who sits enthroned from of old.

Psalm 55:19

We have some answers to share.....not that silence isn't an answer, sometimes.  But we have some "audible" answers here today.

First, I heard from Dr. Siebecker that a compatriot of hers is willing to see me and prescribe the medication (in collaboration with her) so that our insurance will cover the expensive meds.  This new-to-me doctor is also from the Portland area and works with Dr. Siebecker in the SIBO arena.  We are so grateful for this apparent open door.  After I see her, we'll proceed with the meds and determine whether they are going to work for me.

Second, I have an appointment with a local naturopath/holistic doctor on Monday.   Our hope is that he will be willing to work with us and Dr. Siebecker for things that can be handled locally, such as IV therapy, should I need it in the future.

Third, I have actually gained a little weight this past week with the addition of some non-gluten grains to my diet.  My cognitive functions are better and I am stronger.  All of it good.  Though the grains aren't the best for the SIBO situation, it is more important right now to stay the weight loss spiral and then deal with the SIBO with the "big guns" medication.

Thank you so much for praying!  I will update again next week, or perhaps a little later, when we have more information on things.

Bless you, each one.

Specific Request

This is the confidence which we have before Him,

that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 

1 John 5:14

I have a specific prayer request today.  In trying to proceed on the path of pharmaceutical antibiotic treatment, we've run into a bit of a snag.  My prescribing doctor does not have one of two registry numbers which our insurance requires to cover prescription meds.  One of the numbers enables the prescribing of narcotics, which my doctor has no need to prescribe, so she does not have it.  Between us, we are trying to find a way to overcome this difficulty.  One of the meds, a specialty antibiotic, is extremely expensive.  Not only is it beyond our scope of being able to purchase it outside of insurance coverage, there is always the possibility that I may not tolerate the drug.  We don't want to end up with meds that cannot be used, no matter who pays for them.

So my request is first, that my doctor can solve the prescription problem via another doctor who has the required registry numbers and would be willing to see me and work as a team with us, and then that we would be able to devise a plan to test the meds without purchasing a full course.

We are ever mindful that the Great Physician knows all things and is the only One who knows what is best for me.  We trust that if this treatment path doesn't work out, He wants us to do something else.  I am totally confident in His leading and am resting in that.

Thank you so much for praying!

Our hope is in Him

"May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,

Even as we put our hope in You."

Psalm 33:22

Yesterday's doctor's appointment was interesting.  The most recent results from the breath test I did over the weekend show that the SIBO is substantially worse now after initial treatment than it was when first tested.  My symptoms bear this out.

This is something at which I shouldn't really be surprised.  In my medical history, there have been many times when my body hasn't responded "correctly" to medical treatments.  I am not "normal" in this way.

My doctor described this reaction as "angry bacteria."  Somehow they have risen up and proliferated, as opposed to dying in the face of killing levels of natural antibiotics.  The path she believes I need to follow now is to use the big guns - pharmaceutical antibiotics in various combinations in order to kill the bacteria, but also keep the possible yeast overgrowth in check, something about which I have to be very careful given my persistent history of Candida overgrowth.

The other thing she is recommending is that I get IV nutritional intervention therapy to help with the weight loss problem.  My ability to eat is severely hampered by my reactions to even my "safe" foods now.  So I am seeking to find a way to effect a solution to the IV therapy without having to go into the hospital.

I am currently reading a book called Brokenness by Nancy DeMoss.  The reality of brokenness in my life is something that I want to understand and have manifested in the way that will allow God to revive my heart.  The book is so very good.  The bottom line, as I understand it at this point, is that brokenness is a state of relinquishing my will completely and embracing His.  "Not my will, but Yours."  This involves the recognition and demolition of my pride and arrogance, replaced by true humility.

This is a beautiful stage for me see His power in bringing me to that point.  Anti-biotics and hospitals are two things that I seek to avoid at all costs.  Not my will, only His.

Please pray for us as we work through these new developments and the possible rocky days ahead.  I am very weary.  The struggle with difficult symptoms continues to take its toll.  And it's hard on my family.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Short Update

In everything give thanks.....

Count it all joy.....

I will praise the Lord all my life.....

1 Thessalonians 5:18; James 1:2; Psalm 146:2

...."Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark.  The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My power and glory at work in the situation.  Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for my glorious intervention."

Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

I have been, and continue to be, in a really rough stretch.  I've been in touch with my doctor, have re-tested for the presence of SIBO after my initial treatment, and will be seeing her this Thursday for reevaluation and update on diet and treatment.  I have so many questions.  She is wonderful at answering.  She has been through this herself, so the level of understanding and compassion is unmatched in my experience with doctors.  I am so grateful.

We are still flummoxed, though, and seek God's light in the dark places, that He would bring the dark mysteries to light.  This is certainly a marvelous stage on which He can show off!

Thank you for praying with us.