Update.....

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped:

For You have been my help,

And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 28:7 & 63:7

Keep me within Your shadow,

Lord, tether my heart to Yours.

I want nothing without Your presence.

Hillsong

It has been on my mind and heart to write an update of the past year and what the Lord has done.

In my last post a year ago, we had just begun to understand that my issues are largely neurological, my system having "jumped the track" as a result of major stress 5 years ago.  We have worked on trying to retrain my system so it will function properly.  There has been some limited progress on that front, but the unrelenting nausea continued.

In February of this year, we met a gal who has helped a lot of people succeed in losing weight. I started going to her in the hopes that she could help me gain.  I am delighted to report that over several months I have gained 8 pounds, putting me over the 100# mark, which has caused great rejoicing!  An unexpected thing happened in the process.  While eating way more than I feel comfortable eating, the nausea ebbed away and I now seldom deal with long bouts of feeling as if I have the flu.  For this we are incredibly grateful!

I have also been able to do some mild exercise, which is wonderful.  I have loved getting outside and walking during our lovely Northwest summer months.

There are a couple of things that remain for which we are seeking solutions, and for which we would covet your prayers.

My back has been doing pretty well as long as I manage stress judiciously. But I took a fall a few months ago which messed up my normal adjustment and alignment, and we're having a bit of a struggle getting the adjustment to hold.  As a result, I've been troubled with back pain again. We are praying for adjustments to hold without having to go through the whole x-ray process again, which is costly.

The other thing -- and this is the one that limits me the most -- is the Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) affliction.  Rather than improving, my sensitivities have intensified, making it difficult to be in public places -- so I don't get out much.  We recently started attending a church we love, and have mostly worked out a way for me to be there without having to leave because of reactions, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the fragrances around me.  The root of the problem is that my body can't detox normally.

We have a two-part plan that we hope to implement.  My doctor has prescribed something that we hope will help my body detox properly, thereby enabling me to be around everyday toxins like others are able to do.  We also need to get the mercury fillings out of my mouth and replaced with less toxic material.  Because mercury leaks out of fillings, there's a constant influx of toxic material into my system which contributes to the MCS.  Removing and replacing the fillings is a process that is difficult on bodies that have detox issues, so it's a double-edged sword, so to speak.  And it's costly, as well.  We're praying for a pathway through this forest.

Throughout this year, the resounding theme for me has been the recognition that infirmity tethers my heart to His.  I don't ever want to lose that tether.  I don't want anything without Him.

Last week in our study of Job at church, one of the illustrations shared was that in the midst of suffering, children cling to their mommy or daddy, trusting them implicitly.  They don't want to be anywhere else.  That is the picture I want to keep in my mind and heart in the midst of whatever suffering I endure....clinging to my Abba Father and trusting Him completely, not wanting to be anywhere else.

Thank you for your prayers for us.  I still can't imagine where we'd be without you!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!

I will give thanks to You

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are your works,

and my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

When our kids were little, I remember making for each of them a set of 3x5 cards strung on a binder ring with each card holding a verse of Psalm 139.  We worked on memorizing the Psalm.  It has stuck with me!

Tonight I watched a video depicting the journey we have all taken from conception to birth.  It was incredible.  Truly the miracle of our creation shows how fearfully and wonderfully we are made.

Earlier in the day I had an appointment with Dr. Matt, which in itself is an answer to prayer.  And as we talked, it became apparent that this "fearfully and wonderfully made" aspect of us is so far beyond anything we can comprehend.  Science scratches the surface, and the little bits we can fathom are mind-blowing.  

Matt had read my test results from earlier this year, and once again they are pretty normal.  Nothing to indicate major problems anywhere.  He then started to explain that he thinks my issues are based in an autonomic nervous system (ANS) that has jumped the track, so to speak, and just doesn't know how to function properly anymore. (In my case, this is due to major stress 4 years ago.)  The simple explanation is that the ANS is comprised of two branches; sympathetic and para-sympathetic, and is responsible for regulating most of the body's automatic internal functions. Like digestion.  Where it gets so fascinating to me is how the heart plays into all this.  Here's a quote that says it better than I can:

"Most of us have been taught in school that the heart is constantly responding to “orders” sent by the brain in the form of neural signals. However, it is not as commonly known that the heart actually sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart! Moreover, these heart signals have a significant effect on brain function—influencing emotional processing as well as higher cognitive faculties such as attention, perception, memory, and problem-solving. In other words, not only does the heart respond to the brain, but the brain continuously responds to the heart."

The Science Behind HeartMath

So what does this mean for me?  The nutshell version is that the heart and nervous system (physiological) and mind and emotions (psychological) are so intertwined that when they are not synchronized properly, there is imbalance and illness, both physcial and/or emotional.  Matt's recommendation is to pursue using a treatment that has been developed to help re-train the body to synchronize all the systems (in my case, get the ANS back on track) and thereby achieve better health.  It's something I can do at home, which is awesome.  So, we're praying about it and looking into it.

Thank you for praying for me.  For us.  Your kind words and support have been a balm for all of us and we are so grateful.

I will keep you posted on how things go from here.

Bless you, each one.

If you are interested in more information and trying to get a better understanding of what I've only touched on here, the "Science Behind HeartMath" link above will take you to an article about it.

ALSO.....

For you local people, Matt has opened his practice here in Chehalis at Thorbeckes, Room 105.  Here is a link to his website.  I highly recommend him.  I've never had a better doctor.  Seriously.

Angove Family Medicine

He is the LORD.....

"He is the LORD;

let Him do what is good in His eyes."

1 Samuel 3:18

"If I see God in everything, He will calm and color everything I see. Perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same, but if Christ is brought into my [situation] as my Lord and Master, He will "surround me with songs of deliverance" (Psalm 32:7). To see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of my [situation], "Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

From Streams in the Desert

September 17

Indeed, He is the LORD.  Let Him do what is good in His eyes. For I/we cannot see as He can and His sight is perfect.

I have delayed giving updates this summer during this waiting time.  But as it continues to extend, I had the prompting to write today and at least give a short status report.

Dr. Matt is still setting up his new practice and as such has not been able to see me yet.  We are grateful that he will be closer to us, in our own city even, and look forward to his care for our family.

In the interim, I have tried a couple of new things in the hopes of taming the nausea.  Earlier in the summer, I tried essential oils, which kept it at bay for 9 days.  It was wonderful.  But then it came crashing down again.  In the past 3 weeks, I've also tried acupuncture.  After the first treatment, I felt amazingly well for 3 1/2 days. The best I've felt in about 4 years.  And then it came crashing down again, and after subsequent treatments, I have had very rough days.

In reflecting on the various treatments I've tried over these 4 1/2 years, there have been several times that I've felt better briefly, but then the nausea returns.  Still no clues on what is causing it.  Humanly speaking, it seems there should be a discernable cause that can be treated, but no light yet.

In the midst, I am, as always, so very grateful for my wonderful family members who stand with me through it all, showing their love and care in so many ways, and for my friends who are an extended loving support network.  Thank you all.

Yesterday, in the midst of a very difficult day, I had the blessing of this loveliness, through the hand of my dear daughter and the gardens of friends.  Bless you all.  You know who you are. :-)

I think what we would appreciate prayer for right now is perseverance and endurance in the midst.  We, of course, don't know what the future holds.  We don't know when I'll be able to see Matt again.  We don't know if anything will ever help.  But we know that James says, "Count it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,"  and we want to appropriate that truth.

Thank you for praying with us through all these years.  You are a great blessing to us all.

A Personalized Prayer from Ephesians....

"I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened,

so that I will know what is the hope of Your calling,

what are the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints,

and what is the surpassing greatness of Your power

toward me who believes.  These are in accordance with

the working of the strength of Your might

which You brought about in Christ

when You raised Him from the dead...."

Ephesians 1:18-20

I'm reading in Ephesians in my devotional time, and I love Paul's prayers.  They are always so full of truth and power.  This one is on my heart and mind today.  Especially "His power toward me who believes."  His power in me to walk the road He has for me today.  And tomorrow.  And next week, and so on for the rest of my life.  His power in me, not mine.

I'm in a rough patch again that hasn't let up for about 2 1/2 weeks.  I've had just a couple of good days in that stretch of time, and I'm kinda wearing thin.  I would so appreciate your prayers as we wait for things to come together for the reading of tests and the next step.

In my last missive, I mentioned that there were a couple of things standing in the way of getting the tests read.  One of them has been taken care of, and now we are waiting for the second one to be solved, it being that Dr. Matt is in the process of opening his own practice and isn't yet able to see patients.  We are eagerly awaiting the time that he is open for business.

Meanwhile, I would so appreciate your prayers for a couple of things.  For me, perseverance.  Some days it is hard not to just want to curl up and hope it all goes away.  I am grateful for the temperament and personality the Lord has given me that make it hard for me to not fight to keep going.  If I didn't have that drive, it would be easy to loose ground and sink. And then for my family.  It is continually hard on my dear husband and my children, who are powerless to do anything to change my situation.  And I need to not carry that burden, either.

In the midst, I am so grateful for my family and my friends who are so supportive of me.  It would be so hard if I were alone in this.  And I am so grateful for all of you who pray for me, for us.  You are a continual blessing in our lives.  Thank you.

His eye is on the sparrow.....

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground

outside your Father's care.

And even the very hairs of  your head are all numbered.

So don't be afraid; you are worth more

than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:29-31

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

The bell choir at church played this song this morning, and then I just read a bit in a Corrie ten Boom book that included the lyrics.  Truth and blessed reminder.

I haven't updated here in months.  There has really been very little to share, and yet so many of you let me know that you continue to faithfully pray for me.  It is humbling to know this.

My symptoms have remained basically the same.......cyclic nausea, inconsistent food reactions, back pain somehow related to gut issues, and just feeling tired and lousy alternating with some good stretches.  I've come to calling the difficult stretches "slumps."  Since I last wrote, I've seen a new Primary Care Physician locally and gone through several tests which revealed nothing new other than an ovarian cyst that is not problematic.  And then I've seen Dr. Matt and gone through another battery of tests at his suggestion.  He thinks that it is possible that my gut issues are rooted in neurological causes rather than just imbalances in gut flora.  Among the jobs our neurological systems do is the segment that are involuntary, such as heartbeat and digestive processes.  When the neurological system gets messed up through viruses or stress, it can sometimes "jump the track" and have a hard time rebooting.  

So the first set of tests was to determine whether I have resident viruses such as Epstein Barr and the like.  Those came back negative, thankfully.  Then I underwent another set of tests (neuro/endocrine) that determine whether there is evidence of "track jumping" as a result of stress.  Those results are back, but there are a couple of things standing in the way of getting them read.  Hopefully those will be resolved soon.

So, meantime, I am continuing to learn how to navigate the good stretches and bad stretches, and am so grateful that I have a family who loves and cares for me in the midst of it all.  And my Heavenly Father Who works all things for good in the process of conforming me to the image of His Son.  Which is priceless.

Thanks for your faithful prayers.  They mean a great deal to all of us.

Wait for the Lord....

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:14

A commentary on waiting...........

I'm reading a book by Paul David Tripp entitled "A Shelter in the Time of Storm."  It's a group of meditations on God and trouble based on Psalm 27.  The section I read this morning is about waiting and why we struggle to "be strong, and let [our] hearts take courage."  Mr. Tripp addresses the question with this:

"Perhaps the answer is found in Romans 4:18-21.

• "In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, "SO SHALL YOUR DESCENDANTS BE."  Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform."

Why did Abraham grow stronger in faith as he waited those many long years?  It isn't because he played mental denial games.  No, the passage makes it very clear that he faced the facts of the situation head on.  In his time of waiting, Abraham had a very different experience than we often do, because Abraham did something that we often fail to do.  Here it is: the temptation, in times of waiting, is to focus on the thing we are waiting for, all the obstacles that are in the way, our inability to make it happen, and all of the other people who haven't seemed to have had to wait.  Along with this we rehearse to ourselves how essential the thing is and how much we are daily losing in its absence.  All of this increases our feelings of helplessness, our tendency to think our situation is hopeless, and our judgment that waiting is futile.

While it's true that Abraham considered the facts, they weren't the focus of his meditation.  No, his focus was on the God who had made this promise. Every day Abraham would get up and remind himself that the God who had made the promises on which he was waiting was absolutely able to deliver them.  The God who made heaven and earth would have no trouble causing an old woman to deliver a promised child!  Abraham didn't fill his mind with his own weakness and the seeming futility of the situation. No, he filled his mind again and again with the glory of God's immeasurable power, and as he did, he grew stronger and stronger in faith."

This brought me encouragement in truth and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Book review....

I just wanted to let you know that I did a book review over on my other blog.  It has helped me a great deal as I walk the road of infirmity.  So, so helpful.

Polishing God's Monuments by Jim Andrews

I highly recommend getting a copy of this book!