A Personalized Prayer from Ephesians....

"I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened,

so that I will know what is the hope of Your calling,

what are the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints,

and what is the surpassing greatness of Your power

toward me who believes.  These are in accordance with

the working of the strength of Your might

which You brought about in Christ

when You raised Him from the dead...."

Ephesians 1:18-20

I'm reading in Ephesians in my devotional time, and I love Paul's prayers.  They are always so full of truth and power.  This one is on my heart and mind today.  Especially "His power toward me who believes."  His power in me to walk the road He has for me today.  And tomorrow.  And next week, and so on for the rest of my life.  His power in me, not mine.

I'm in a rough patch again that hasn't let up for about 2 1/2 weeks.  I've had just a couple of good days in that stretch of time, and I'm kinda wearing thin.  I would so appreciate your prayers as we wait for things to come together for the reading of tests and the next step.

In my last missive, I mentioned that there were a couple of things standing in the way of getting the tests read.  One of them has been taken care of, and now we are waiting for the second one to be solved, it being that Dr. Matt is in the process of opening his own practice and isn't yet able to see patients.  We are eagerly awaiting the time that he is open for business.

Meanwhile, I would so appreciate your prayers for a couple of things.  For me, perseverance.  Some days it is hard not to just want to curl up and hope it all goes away.  I am grateful for the temperament and personality the Lord has given me that make it hard for me to not fight to keep going.  If I didn't have that drive, it would be easy to loose ground and sink. And then for my family.  It is continually hard on my dear husband and my children, who are powerless to do anything to change my situation.  And I need to not carry that burden, either.

In the midst, I am so grateful for my family and my friends who are so supportive of me.  It would be so hard if I were alone in this.  And I am so grateful for all of you who pray for me, for us.  You are a continual blessing in our lives.  Thank you.

His eye is on the sparrow.....

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground

outside your Father's care.

And even the very hairs of  your head are all numbered.

So don't be afraid; you are worth more

than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:29-31

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

The bell choir at church played this song this morning, and then I just read a bit in a Corrie ten Boom book that included the lyrics.  Truth and blessed reminder.

I haven't updated here in months.  There has really been very little to share, and yet so many of you let me know that you continue to faithfully pray for me.  It is humbling to know this.

My symptoms have remained basically the same.......cyclic nausea, inconsistent food reactions, back pain somehow related to gut issues, and just feeling tired and lousy alternating with some good stretches.  I've come to calling the difficult stretches "slumps."  Since I last wrote, I've seen a new Primary Care Physician locally and gone through several tests which revealed nothing new other than an ovarian cyst that is not problematic.  And then I've seen Dr. Matt and gone through another battery of tests at his suggestion.  He thinks that it is possible that my gut issues are rooted in neurological causes rather than just imbalances in gut flora.  Among the jobs our neurological systems do is the segment that are involuntary, such as heartbeat and digestive processes.  When the neurological system gets messed up through viruses or stress, it can sometimes "jump the track" and have a hard time rebooting.  

So the first set of tests was to determine whether I have resident viruses such as Epstein Barr and the like.  Those came back negative, thankfully.  Then I underwent another set of tests (neuro/endocrine) that determine whether there is evidence of "track jumping" as a result of stress.  Those results are back, but there are a couple of things standing in the way of getting them read.  Hopefully those will be resolved soon.

So, meantime, I am continuing to learn how to navigate the good stretches and bad stretches, and am so grateful that I have a family who loves and cares for me in the midst of it all.  And my Heavenly Father Who works all things for good in the process of conforming me to the image of His Son.  Which is priceless.

Thanks for your faithful prayers.  They mean a great deal to all of us.

Wait for the Lord....

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:14

A commentary on waiting...........

I'm reading a book by Paul David Tripp entitled "A Shelter in the Time of Storm."  It's a group of meditations on God and trouble based on Psalm 27.  The section I read this morning is about waiting and why we struggle to "be strong, and let [our] hearts take courage."  Mr. Tripp addresses the question with this:

"Perhaps the answer is found in Romans 4:18-21.

• "In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, "SO SHALL YOUR DESCENDANTS BE."  Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform."

Why did Abraham grow stronger in faith as he waited those many long years?  It isn't because he played mental denial games.  No, the passage makes it very clear that he faced the facts of the situation head on.  In his time of waiting, Abraham had a very different experience than we often do, because Abraham did something that we often fail to do.  Here it is: the temptation, in times of waiting, is to focus on the thing we are waiting for, all the obstacles that are in the way, our inability to make it happen, and all of the other people who haven't seemed to have had to wait.  Along with this we rehearse to ourselves how essential the thing is and how much we are daily losing in its absence.  All of this increases our feelings of helplessness, our tendency to think our situation is hopeless, and our judgment that waiting is futile.

While it's true that Abraham considered the facts, they weren't the focus of his meditation.  No, his focus was on the God who had made this promise. Every day Abraham would get up and remind himself that the God who had made the promises on which he was waiting was absolutely able to deliver them.  The God who made heaven and earth would have no trouble causing an old woman to deliver a promised child!  Abraham didn't fill his mind with his own weakness and the seeming futility of the situation. No, he filled his mind again and again with the glory of God's immeasurable power, and as he did, he grew stronger and stronger in faith."

This brought me encouragement in truth and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Book review....

I just wanted to let you know that I did a book review over on my other blog.  It has helped me a great deal as I walk the road of infirmity.  So, so helpful.

Polishing God's Monuments by Jim Andrews

I highly recommend getting a copy of this book!

Encouragement in tribulation......

This morning's reading in "Streams in the Desert" is a beautiful analogy that I want to share.  It encouraged me once again to remember that God knows what He's doing and to mess with that is not profitable.

Bless your day today!

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

I kept for nearly a year the flask-shaped cocoon of an emperor moth. It is very peculiar in its construction. A narrow opening is left in the neck of the flask, through which the perfect insect forces its way, so that a forsaken cocoon is as entire as one still tenanted, no rupture of the interlacing fibers having taken place. The great disproportion between the means of egress and the size of the imprisoned insect makes one wonder how the exit is ever accomplished at all -- and it never is without great labor and difficulty. It is supposed that the pressure to which the moth's body is subjected in passing through such a narrow opening is a provision of nature for forcing the juices into the vessels of the wings, these being less developed at the period of emerging from the chrysalis than they are in other insects.

I happened to witness the first efforts of my prisoned moth to escape from its long confinement. During a whole forenoon, from time to time, I watched it patiently striving and struggling to get out. It never seemed able to get beyond a certain point, and at last my patience was exhausted. Very probably the confining fibers were drier and less elastic than if the cocoon had been left all winter on its native heather, as nature meant it to be. At all events I thought I was wiser and more compassionate than its Maker, and I resolved to give it a helping hand. With the point of my scissors I snipped the confining threads to make the exit just a very little easier, and lo! immediately, and with perfect case, out crawled my moth dragging a huge swollen body and little shrivelled wings. In vain I watched to see that marvelous process of expansion in which these silently and swiftly develop before one's eyes; and as I traced the exquisite spots and markings of divers colors which were all there in miniature, I longed to see these assume their due proportions and the creature to appear in all its perfect beauty, as it is, in truth, one of the loveliest of its kind. But I looked in vain. My false tenderness had proved its ruin. It never was anything but a stunted abortion, crawling painfully through that brief life which it should have spent flying through the air on rainbow wings.

I have thought of it often, often, when watching with pitiful eyes those who were struggling with sorrow, suffering, and distress; and I would fain cut short the discipline and give deliverance. Short-sighted man! How know I that one of these pangs or groans could be spared? The far-sighted, perfect love that seeks the perfection of its object does not weakly shrink from present, transient suffering. Our Father's love is too true to be weak. Because He loves His children, He chastises them that they may be partakers of His holiness. With this glorious end in view, He spares not for their crying. Made perfect through sufferings, as the Elder Brother was, the sons of God are trained up to obedience and brought to glory through much tribulation.
--Tract

Streams in the Desert at Crosswalk

As the year wanes.....

"I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

"I will not demand that God explain Himself to me at any time,

for this is characteristic of the unregenerate man.

I must be willing to let God be unreasonable, in my view, if necessary,

because He is not concerned with my understanding, but with my faith.

The unregenerate man sees contradiction in the world

and demands that God justify Himself before him;

the believing man makes no such demand,

but believes God supremely."

W. Glyn Evans from 'Daily With the King'

The quotation above is something I read recently and it reinforced what I know to be true.  God is God, He doesn't have to answer to anyone, and He can do whatever He wants to.  The key to intimacy with Him is to recognize this truth and walk in faith, believing Him "supremely," without demanding He answer my questions or my pleas for changed circumstances.  Period.  There's freedom in that.  :-)

2013  is closing its eyes and tomorrow 2014 will be rising, a clean slate of a year, the events yet unknown.  I'm looking forward to it!  In light of that, I thought I'd give just a bit of an update.

There really isn't much to report.  I am still basically in the same place physically as I've been for a long time.  I have gained about 2 pounds over the past 5 or 6 weeks, which is a really good thing.  And then I did receive one piece of information that has been helpful to my psyche, that being the chronic pancreatitis that I've had for the past few years, is most likely responsible for the cyclic nature of my "ups and downs, good days and bad days."  Somehow knowing this has helped me deal with the more difficult stretches.  In the reading that I've done on chronic pancreatitis, I've become aware that 70% of chronic cases are triggered by bouts of acute pancreatitis brought on by alcohol abuse.  30% is idiopathic, meaning there is no known reason for it's appearance.  This is the category into which I fall.  The only thing I've discovered that may be related to my issues is it is sometimes brought on by major stress. *Ding Ding Ding!*  To quote a little movie sidekick, "Stress, it's a killer, Sir."

At this point, I don't really know if there's anything I can be doing to help my pancreas heal, other than to dial back my activities, work diligently to manage my stress levels in the areas over which I have some control, and get lots of rest.  I'll be talking more extensively with my doctor in January about whether he has any additional recommendations for encouraging pancreatic healing outside of what we're already doing.

So, I extend to you a blessing in the last hours of 2013 here on the west coast:

The LORD bless you, and keep you; 

The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; 

The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' 

Numbers 6:24-26

Again and always, thank you so much for praying with us through these years.  You are each such a blessing to us.

Come with Me to a quiet place.......

"Come with Me to a quiet place,

........and rest."

Mark 6:31

"Your relationship with the Lord should never be legalistic.

It should be because you want to be with Him,

because you need to be with Him."

Kay Arthur

Yesterday I read the above quotation by Kay Arthur.  For those of you who don't know who she is, she has been writing and teaching inductive Bible Studies for decades.  Her earthly platform has been Precept Ministries.  I took and taught Precept courses in the 80's and 90's, and much of my spiritual foundation was formed through those studies.  Her life is an example of the passion of loving Jesus, and reveling in the fact that He loves her, even her, after all she has done that is not glorifying to Him.  I want that in my life, too.  Remembering what it cost Him to save me, even me, and loving Him, wanting to be with Him, needing Him so.

Then today I came across the Mark passage in a most unlikely place.  We are on the hunt for a different vehicle, and I was at a local auto dealer checking out a rig.  On the wall of the dealership office was a tapestry with Mark 6:31 on it.  I had actually yearned for a passage that expressed the heart of Jesus toward me, inviting me to just be with Him because He wants to be with me --  kind of like the basis on which Kay's quotation was made from the human side of the relationship -- and here it was, totally unexpectedly.  

In the midst of the ongoing search for understanding what my body is doing and not doing, I had a good phone appointment with my doctor, Matt, on Monday.  We went over the DNA stool test results, and even delved a little into the genetic testing results that he has started to wade through.  There is SO much.

As I understand it -- and my understanding is limited at best -- I have thyroid issues; I need to boost my amino acid intake to help with protein issues and hopefully weight gain; my immune response is low;  I continue to have an imbalance in good/bad intestinal bacteria and there is yeast present, both of which contribute to my intestinal health and digestive issues (dysbiosis); I have some MTHFR mutations, the bottom line of which means that I have problems with processing B vitamins and with detoxing, among other things.  (It is very confusing to me and I don't really have a handle on it yet.  HERE is an article that simplifies the MTHFR information and helped it make some sense to me.)

I am on a treatment plan that addresses all of the above issues and am taking meds and supplements for the thyroid problems, the amino acid issues, several things that are working to help support my immune response, more and different meds/supplements to help with gut dysbiosis represented by the bacteria and yeast imbalances, and then a couple of things to help with the results of the MTHFR mutations.  

It's yet a long haul.  I am still very much up and down in how I feel, often in the same day.  :-)  Nonetheless, God never changes and without Him I can do nothing anyway, the learning of which is something I value greatly in the midst of this time in my life.

In talking with a friend not too long ago, I expressed that I desire to be well, so much.  At the same time, I am not kicking against where I am and am content to be here because it is where God has me.  And I don't want to be anywhere He doesn't want me.  I know there are those who may say that God doesn't want me sick.  And perhaps that is true, but the fact is that I am.  And if I'm not accepting of that and thanking Him for it, I am not in the right place.  I think of Amy Carmichael who was sick a long time.  Her testimony has been an encouragement to so many people through the decades, and God has been glorified through it.  That's what I want, as well, to glorify Him no matter my condition in this life.  Whether I am ill or well, hurting or not, I want His glory to be the focus, and then trust Him for me.

I think what we'd appreciate prayer for most at this point is that God will give Matt the supernatural ability to discern what my test results actually mean and the best course to treat what he finds.  The other thing is that with introducing so many new treatment elements, it's hard to discern those to which I might be reacting or, conversely, those which are doing good.  And my responses to food and supplements aren't necessarily consistent anyway, so it makes it doubly hard in some ways.

Thanks so much for praying with us.  We appreciate you greatly, each one.  Bless you.