As the year wanes.....

"I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

"I will not demand that God explain Himself to me at any time,

for this is characteristic of the unregenerate man.

I must be willing to let God be unreasonable, in my view, if necessary,

because He is not concerned with my understanding, but with my faith.

The unregenerate man sees contradiction in the world

and demands that God justify Himself before him;

the believing man makes no such demand,

but believes God supremely."

W. Glyn Evans from 'Daily With the King'

The quotation above is something I read recently and it reinforced what I know to be true.  God is God, He doesn't have to answer to anyone, and He can do whatever He wants to.  The key to intimacy with Him is to recognize this truth and walk in faith, believing Him "supremely," without demanding He answer my questions or my pleas for changed circumstances.  Period.  There's freedom in that.  :-)

2013  is closing its eyes and tomorrow 2014 will be rising, a clean slate of a year, the events yet unknown.  I'm looking forward to it!  In light of that, I thought I'd give just a bit of an update.

There really isn't much to report.  I am still basically in the same place physically as I've been for a long time.  I have gained about 2 pounds over the past 5 or 6 weeks, which is a really good thing.  And then I did receive one piece of information that has been helpful to my psyche, that being the chronic pancreatitis that I've had for the past few years, is most likely responsible for the cyclic nature of my "ups and downs, good days and bad days."  Somehow knowing this has helped me deal with the more difficult stretches.  In the reading that I've done on chronic pancreatitis, I've become aware that 70% of chronic cases are triggered by bouts of acute pancreatitis brought on by alcohol abuse.  30% is idiopathic, meaning there is no known reason for it's appearance.  This is the category into which I fall.  The only thing I've discovered that may be related to my issues is it is sometimes brought on by major stress. *Ding Ding Ding!*  To quote a little movie sidekick, "Stress, it's a killer, Sir."

At this point, I don't really know if there's anything I can be doing to help my pancreas heal, other than to dial back my activities, work diligently to manage my stress levels in the areas over which I have some control, and get lots of rest.  I'll be talking more extensively with my doctor in January about whether he has any additional recommendations for encouraging pancreatic healing outside of what we're already doing.

So, I extend to you a blessing in the last hours of 2013 here on the west coast:

The LORD bless you, and keep you; 

The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; 

The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' 

Numbers 6:24-26

Again and always, thank you so much for praying with us through these years.  You are each such a blessing to us.

Come with Me to a quiet place.......

"Come with Me to a quiet place,

........and rest."

Mark 6:31

"Your relationship with the Lord should never be legalistic.

It should be because you want to be with Him,

because you need to be with Him."

Kay Arthur

Yesterday I read the above quotation by Kay Arthur.  For those of you who don't know who she is, she has been writing and teaching inductive Bible Studies for decades.  Her earthly platform has been Precept Ministries.  I took and taught Precept courses in the 80's and 90's, and much of my spiritual foundation was formed through those studies.  Her life is an example of the passion of loving Jesus, and reveling in the fact that He loves her, even her, after all she has done that is not glorifying to Him.  I want that in my life, too.  Remembering what it cost Him to save me, even me, and loving Him, wanting to be with Him, needing Him so.

Then today I came across the Mark passage in a most unlikely place.  We are on the hunt for a different vehicle, and I was at a local auto dealer checking out a rig.  On the wall of the dealership office was a tapestry with Mark 6:31 on it.  I had actually yearned for a passage that expressed the heart of Jesus toward me, inviting me to just be with Him because He wants to be with me --  kind of like the basis on which Kay's quotation was made from the human side of the relationship -- and here it was, totally unexpectedly.  

In the midst of the ongoing search for understanding what my body is doing and not doing, I had a good phone appointment with my doctor, Matt, on Monday.  We went over the DNA stool test results, and even delved a little into the genetic testing results that he has started to wade through.  There is SO much.

As I understand it -- and my understanding is limited at best -- I have thyroid issues; I need to boost my amino acid intake to help with protein issues and hopefully weight gain; my immune response is low;  I continue to have an imbalance in good/bad intestinal bacteria and there is yeast present, both of which contribute to my intestinal health and digestive issues (dysbiosis); I have some MTHFR mutations, the bottom line of which means that I have problems with processing B vitamins and with detoxing, among other things.  (It is very confusing to me and I don't really have a handle on it yet.  HERE is an article that simplifies the MTHFR information and helped it make some sense to me.)

I am on a treatment plan that addresses all of the above issues and am taking meds and supplements for the thyroid problems, the amino acid issues, several things that are working to help support my immune response, more and different meds/supplements to help with gut dysbiosis represented by the bacteria and yeast imbalances, and then a couple of things to help with the results of the MTHFR mutations.  

It's yet a long haul.  I am still very much up and down in how I feel, often in the same day.  :-)  Nonetheless, God never changes and without Him I can do nothing anyway, the learning of which is something I value greatly in the midst of this time in my life.

In talking with a friend not too long ago, I expressed that I desire to be well, so much.  At the same time, I am not kicking against where I am and am content to be here because it is where God has me.  And I don't want to be anywhere He doesn't want me.  I know there are those who may say that God doesn't want me sick.  And perhaps that is true, but the fact is that I am.  And if I'm not accepting of that and thanking Him for it, I am not in the right place.  I think of Amy Carmichael who was sick a long time.  Her testimony has been an encouragement to so many people through the decades, and God has been glorified through it.  That's what I want, as well, to glorify Him no matter my condition in this life.  Whether I am ill or well, hurting or not, I want His glory to be the focus, and then trust Him for me.

I think what we'd appreciate prayer for most at this point is that God will give Matt the supernatural ability to discern what my test results actually mean and the best course to treat what he finds.  The other thing is that with introducing so many new treatment elements, it's hard to discern those to which I might be reacting or, conversely, those which are doing good.  And my responses to food and supplements aren't necessarily consistent anyway, so it makes it doubly hard in some ways.

Thanks so much for praying with us.  We appreciate you greatly, each one.  Bless you.

The deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love.

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus.

From The Deep, Deep Love

Sovereign Grace Music Company

This song has been running through my mind for days.  So much truth in so few words.  ALL I need is His love.  His deep, deep love.  No matter the storms that this life brings.  No matter the joys, either.  He doesn't often leave us without the blessing of the love of others, or of the blessings and joys of the fullness of life.  Those blessings are part of His deep, deep love.  But in the end, it is His love that I need.  All I need.

In the past month, I've mostly been dealing with the same old stuff with a few new difficulties added in here and there.  We had a bit of a scare last week with weight loss again and difficulty with finding things to eat, so I talked with Dr. Matt on Friday and in the process we went over my recent blood work and discovered a few things that we can work on.  Low thyroid, low protein, low B and D vitamins (not a big surprise!), and low glucose levels which he thinks could be at least partly responsible for the continuous nausea.  So, I'll be starting natural thyroid this week, I'm taking an amino acid supplement for the protein problems and will be using highly absorbable B and D vitamin drops.  For the low glucose he is recommending trying some of the more innocuous (to me) fresh fruits every few hours to try to bring those levels up.  Then he has ordered another DNA stool test because he learned at a seminar a couple of weeks ago that there have been many false test results coming out of some of the labs, the one I previously used being one of them. We'll be using the only one of the bunch that hasn't had false results.  So, that's on the docket to try to see if we can determine why I'm continuing to have so many gut issues, regardless of the treatments we've tried.  The genetic testing results won't be back for another few weeks, so no news on that front yet.

In the midst of my health issues, our family is struggling with one of those heart-hurting situations in life that I'm not at liberty to talk about.  But it weighs heavily on all of us, and we would covet your prayers that God would have His way and use it for the good of those who love Him, and in the process bring glory to Himself.  He is so able.  

Thanks, once again, for praying with us.  We are so, so grateful.  Bless you, each one.

Fearfully and wonderfully made......

I will give thanks to You,

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Thank you to those of you who have inquired about my appointment today.  I'll give a brief overview before I drop into bed.  It's been a long day.

My time with Dr. Matt was good, as it always is.  He is one of the best listeners I've met, my husband being THE best.  :-)  After giving him a verbal update on the past year since I last saw him, we talked about the different possibilities of what is going on.  He zeroed in on "genetic mutation" and we spent the rest of the appointment talking about that.  It's not something I am familiar with at all, other than having heard about it for the first time a couple of weeks ago.  It is a rising field in the world of medicine and those who are researching and teaching about it are working at raising awareness.  To date, it is the deepest level of medicine we have available to us, being that it works at the genetic, cellular level.

My understanding of it is very minimal, but what I'm gathering is that when genes mutate, the ability of the cells to communicate and fulfill their function is impaired resulting in the inability to detoxify properly, as well as other functions being altered, resulting in disease.  That's the minimalistic understanding I have at this point.  Different mutations affect different bodily functions from mental to cardiovascular to digestive, etc.

The testing for these mutations has historically been prohibitively expensive, which has limited the ability of many to pursue this area of medical help.  A woman who was doing research on genetic mutation married someone high up in the Google construct.  He gave her $10 million to help with her research, one of the results being that there is now testing available to the general public for $99.  Matt has recommended that I have the testing done and then he will evaluate the results and, if this is what is going on, start trying to put the puzzle pieces together to devise a treatment plan.  There is no wonder-drug treatment to fix the mutations, rather finding ways to help the cells do their jobs in spite of the mutations.

Again, my knowledge of this is extremely limited right now and I don't know if I've gotten this right at all, but I'll share here as I learn more.

It will be a couple of months before we have answers, being that the test results have to come back and then - if this is what we're dealing with - Matt says he'll need about 4 weeks to evaluate and figure out what to do.  Each individual is different and the combinations of mutations and the resultant issues and treatment options are many, and it will take him awhile to sort it all out.

Thank you so much for praying.  I feel as if the Lord did illuminate something for Matt today.  Now we will see if it is what is going on, or if it's one more thing to eliminate in our search.  As I contemplate the possibilities here, I am in awe of the fact that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Truly.

If you're interested in looking at any of this stuff, here are a couple of links:

Dr. Ben Lynch at mthfr.net

23andMe (testing) at  https://www.23andme.com/

No news, just some encouragement that helped me.....

Nothing new to report here, but the Lord has been talking to me again about His strength versus my strength, and different facets of that, and I wanted to share this.  I love how He repeats Himself and helps me to hear Him by doing that.

"Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure.  Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability.  Some succeed enormously; others fail miserably.  But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me.

When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes.  You see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and "coincidences."  You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do.  You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness.*  You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior.  You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me,** desiring that I live in you.  I in you, and you in Me.***  This  is the intimate adventure I offer you." From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

*2 Corinthians 12:9-10   **Acts 17:28   ***John 14:20

It makes me think of a line in my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision.....

"be Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one."

The history of the hymn is fascinating to me.  Apparently it originated in the 6th century in Old Irish, was translated into English in 1905 by Mary Elizabeth Byrne, and then was versified in 1912 by Eleanor Hull and is how we know it today.  Such great words of truth!

Be Thou My Vision 

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

Be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought in the day and the night,

Both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light 

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,

Be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;

Be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;

Be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one. 

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;

Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;

Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:

O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power. 

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Be thou mine inheritance now and always;

Be thou and thou only the first in my heart;

O Sovereign of Heaven, my treasure thou art. 

High King of Heaven, thou Heaven's bright sun,

O grant me its joys after victory is won!;

Great heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Next Steps.....

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is perfected in weakness."

Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grow strong in your weakness.  Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.  This is how you grow strong in your weakness."  From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

This was my devotional reading for yesterday, and I've read it again several times in the past 24 hours.  It is a sweet encouragement to me in the midst.  Frailty and fragility are the things that He is using to to teach me dependence on Him.  Not fight it.  Not try to plan myself out of it.  But relax into trusting Him to give me what I need when I need it.  There is great peace in that.  Not that it isn't hard.  It is.  So very hard at times.  But hard doesn't have to equal turmoil, distress or fear.  So, I thank Him for this very apt Word for me right now.  I love how He does that.  I love Him.

So, after praying and talking and praying some more, Dale and I have decided that I should go back to my original ND, who is a vibrant believer as well as a really good doctor, and see if he can put the pieces together of this 3 1/2-year-long puzzle. I go on the 11th of this month.  That gives me a little time to put together a chronology of the past year's events since I last conferred with him.

As has been characteristic of this journey, God has continued to provide the resources necessary to continue walking the medical path in front of us.  We thank those of you who have blessed us with gifts, and praise God for His provision through His saints.  We are so incredibly grateful.

How you can pray for us:

• My ability to assemble a clear representation of the events and treatments of the past year, the meds I've taken, and the resultant state in which I currently am.
• Encouragement for Dale in the midst.  It's so hard for him to watch me go through this.
• Ditto for the rest of my family.
• Supernatural wisdom for Dr. Matt when I see him on the 11th.  He asks for it every time.  I ask for it for him every time.  Please join us in this request as we expect God to answer.  I pray Colossians 1:9-11 all the time for my doctors and for us as we sift through all the information that comes across my desk, so to speak.

Thank you so much for praying with us.  You are a blessing, each one.

Behold, your God will come.........

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. 

Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not.

Behold, your God will come........."

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened

And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. 

Then the lame will leap like a deer,

And the tongue of the mute will shout for joy.

For waters will break forth in the wilderness

And streams in the Arabah. 

A highway will be there, a roadway,

And it will be called the Highway of Holiness.....

.....the redeemed will walk there, 

And the ransomed of the LORD will return

And come with joyful shouting to Zion,

With everlasting joy upon their heads.

They will find gladness and joy,

And sorrow and sighing will flee away. 

Isaiah 35, selections from verses 1-10

Sometimes I go awhile without writing because there is nothing really new.  Or I feel as if I should just be quiet for a time.  Sometimes I don't want to share because it's the same old thing......no good news.  Some days, like today, I feel the need to write and ask for the prayers of the saints because I am discouraged, frustrated and confused.  Isaiah 35 talks about encouraging the exhausted and strengthening the feeble, speaking truth to those who are anxious.  I need that, and I'm so grateful that His Word always speaks to every situation, is new no matter how many times I read it.  Today is no exception.  I look forward to that part at the end where sorrow and sighing flee away.  :-)

Dale and I covet your prayers as we once again try to figure out the next step.  It seems that every treatment I've undergone has resulted in me feeling worse.  In treating the possibility of Candida, I've been on Nystatin, - two different types - for weeks now with no improvement.  And the past few days have been pretty rugged.

So many thoughts are running through my head as to what to do.  Information from past doctors, new information from outside sources and people who have walked this path, a longing for someone to be able to put all the pieces together and really determine what is going on.

Please pray with us, once again, for God to give light to our path.  And we need wisdom, always.  James says if we ask in faith, without doubting, He will give wisdom.  And Paul's prayer in Colossians 1 is a foundation for me....."I ask that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

I rest in His sovereignty, asking that He bring glory to Himself through my life and its trials, at the same time longing for health.

Thank you for joining us in prayer so faithfully.  And your gentle inquiries and encouraging words also mean a great deal.  Bless you, each one.