The deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love.

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus.

From The Deep, Deep Love

Sovereign Grace Music Company

This song has been running through my mind for days.  So much truth in so few words.  ALL I need is His love.  His deep, deep love.  No matter the storms that this life brings.  No matter the joys, either.  He doesn't often leave us without the blessing of the love of others, or of the blessings and joys of the fullness of life.  Those blessings are part of His deep, deep love.  But in the end, it is His love that I need.  All I need.

In the past month, I've mostly been dealing with the same old stuff with a few new difficulties added in here and there.  We had a bit of a scare last week with weight loss again and difficulty with finding things to eat, so I talked with Dr. Matt on Friday and in the process we went over my recent blood work and discovered a few things that we can work on.  Low thyroid, low protein, low B and D vitamins (not a big surprise!), and low glucose levels which he thinks could be at least partly responsible for the continuous nausea.  So, I'll be starting natural thyroid this week, I'm taking an amino acid supplement for the protein problems and will be using highly absorbable B and D vitamin drops.  For the low glucose he is recommending trying some of the more innocuous (to me) fresh fruits every few hours to try to bring those levels up.  Then he has ordered another DNA stool test because he learned at a seminar a couple of weeks ago that there have been many false test results coming out of some of the labs, the one I previously used being one of them. We'll be using the only one of the bunch that hasn't had false results.  So, that's on the docket to try to see if we can determine why I'm continuing to have so many gut issues, regardless of the treatments we've tried.  The genetic testing results won't be back for another few weeks, so no news on that front yet.

In the midst of my health issues, our family is struggling with one of those heart-hurting situations in life that I'm not at liberty to talk about.  But it weighs heavily on all of us, and we would covet your prayers that God would have His way and use it for the good of those who love Him, and in the process bring glory to Himself.  He is so able.  

Thanks, once again, for praying with us.  We are so, so grateful.  Bless you, each one.

Fearfully and wonderfully made......

I will give thanks to You,

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Thank you to those of you who have inquired about my appointment today.  I'll give a brief overview before I drop into bed.  It's been a long day.

My time with Dr. Matt was good, as it always is.  He is one of the best listeners I've met, my husband being THE best.  :-)  After giving him a verbal update on the past year since I last saw him, we talked about the different possibilities of what is going on.  He zeroed in on "genetic mutation" and we spent the rest of the appointment talking about that.  It's not something I am familiar with at all, other than having heard about it for the first time a couple of weeks ago.  It is a rising field in the world of medicine and those who are researching and teaching about it are working at raising awareness.  To date, it is the deepest level of medicine we have available to us, being that it works at the genetic, cellular level.

My understanding of it is very minimal, but what I'm gathering is that when genes mutate, the ability of the cells to communicate and fulfill their function is impaired resulting in the inability to detoxify properly, as well as other functions being altered, resulting in disease.  That's the minimalistic understanding I have at this point.  Different mutations affect different bodily functions from mental to cardiovascular to digestive, etc.

The testing for these mutations has historically been prohibitively expensive, which has limited the ability of many to pursue this area of medical help.  A woman who was doing research on genetic mutation married someone high up in the Google construct.  He gave her $10 million to help with her research, one of the results being that there is now testing available to the general public for $99.  Matt has recommended that I have the testing done and then he will evaluate the results and, if this is what is going on, start trying to put the puzzle pieces together to devise a treatment plan.  There is no wonder-drug treatment to fix the mutations, rather finding ways to help the cells do their jobs in spite of the mutations.

Again, my knowledge of this is extremely limited right now and I don't know if I've gotten this right at all, but I'll share here as I learn more.

It will be a couple of months before we have answers, being that the test results have to come back and then - if this is what we're dealing with - Matt says he'll need about 4 weeks to evaluate and figure out what to do.  Each individual is different and the combinations of mutations and the resultant issues and treatment options are many, and it will take him awhile to sort it all out.

Thank you so much for praying.  I feel as if the Lord did illuminate something for Matt today.  Now we will see if it is what is going on, or if it's one more thing to eliminate in our search.  As I contemplate the possibilities here, I am in awe of the fact that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Truly.

If you're interested in looking at any of this stuff, here are a couple of links:

Dr. Ben Lynch at mthfr.net

23andMe (testing) at  https://www.23andme.com/

No news, just some encouragement that helped me.....

Nothing new to report here, but the Lord has been talking to me again about His strength versus my strength, and different facets of that, and I wanted to share this.  I love how He repeats Himself and helps me to hear Him by doing that.

"Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure.  Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability.  Some succeed enormously; others fail miserably.  But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me.

When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes.  You see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and "coincidences."  You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do.  You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness.*  You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior.  You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me,** desiring that I live in you.  I in you, and you in Me.***  This  is the intimate adventure I offer you." From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

*2 Corinthians 12:9-10   **Acts 17:28   ***John 14:20

It makes me think of a line in my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision.....

"be Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one."

The history of the hymn is fascinating to me.  Apparently it originated in the 6th century in Old Irish, was translated into English in 1905 by Mary Elizabeth Byrne, and then was versified in 1912 by Eleanor Hull and is how we know it today.  Such great words of truth!

Be Thou My Vision 

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

Be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought in the day and the night,

Both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light 

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,

Be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;

Be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;

Be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one. 

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;

Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;

Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:

O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power. 

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Be thou mine inheritance now and always;

Be thou and thou only the first in my heart;

O Sovereign of Heaven, my treasure thou art. 

High King of Heaven, thou Heaven's bright sun,

O grant me its joys after victory is won!;

Great heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Next Steps.....

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is perfected in weakness."

Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grow strong in your weakness.  Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.  This is how you grow strong in your weakness."  From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

This was my devotional reading for yesterday, and I've read it again several times in the past 24 hours.  It is a sweet encouragement to me in the midst.  Frailty and fragility are the things that He is using to to teach me dependence on Him.  Not fight it.  Not try to plan myself out of it.  But relax into trusting Him to give me what I need when I need it.  There is great peace in that.  Not that it isn't hard.  It is.  So very hard at times.  But hard doesn't have to equal turmoil, distress or fear.  So, I thank Him for this very apt Word for me right now.  I love how He does that.  I love Him.

So, after praying and talking and praying some more, Dale and I have decided that I should go back to my original ND, who is a vibrant believer as well as a really good doctor, and see if he can put the pieces together of this 3 1/2-year-long puzzle. I go on the 11th of this month.  That gives me a little time to put together a chronology of the past year's events since I last conferred with him.

As has been characteristic of this journey, God has continued to provide the resources necessary to continue walking the medical path in front of us.  We thank those of you who have blessed us with gifts, and praise God for His provision through His saints.  We are so incredibly grateful.

How you can pray for us:

• My ability to assemble a clear representation of the events and treatments of the past year, the meds I've taken, and the resultant state in which I currently am.
• Encouragement for Dale in the midst.  It's so hard for him to watch me go through this.
• Ditto for the rest of my family.
• Supernatural wisdom for Dr. Matt when I see him on the 11th.  He asks for it every time.  I ask for it for him every time.  Please join us in this request as we expect God to answer.  I pray Colossians 1:9-11 all the time for my doctors and for us as we sift through all the information that comes across my desk, so to speak.

Thank you so much for praying with us.  You are a blessing, each one.

Behold, your God will come.........

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. 

Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not.

Behold, your God will come........."

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened

And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. 

Then the lame will leap like a deer,

And the tongue of the mute will shout for joy.

For waters will break forth in the wilderness

And streams in the Arabah. 

A highway will be there, a roadway,

And it will be called the Highway of Holiness.....

.....the redeemed will walk there, 

And the ransomed of the LORD will return

And come with joyful shouting to Zion,

With everlasting joy upon their heads.

They will find gladness and joy,

And sorrow and sighing will flee away. 

Isaiah 35, selections from verses 1-10

Sometimes I go awhile without writing because there is nothing really new.  Or I feel as if I should just be quiet for a time.  Sometimes I don't want to share because it's the same old thing......no good news.  Some days, like today, I feel the need to write and ask for the prayers of the saints because I am discouraged, frustrated and confused.  Isaiah 35 talks about encouraging the exhausted and strengthening the feeble, speaking truth to those who are anxious.  I need that, and I'm so grateful that His Word always speaks to every situation, is new no matter how many times I read it.  Today is no exception.  I look forward to that part at the end where sorrow and sighing flee away.  :-)

Dale and I covet your prayers as we once again try to figure out the next step.  It seems that every treatment I've undergone has resulted in me feeling worse.  In treating the possibility of Candida, I've been on Nystatin, - two different types - for weeks now with no improvement.  And the past few days have been pretty rugged.

So many thoughts are running through my head as to what to do.  Information from past doctors, new information from outside sources and people who have walked this path, a longing for someone to be able to put all the pieces together and really determine what is going on.

Please pray with us, once again, for God to give light to our path.  And we need wisdom, always.  James says if we ask in faith, without doubting, He will give wisdom.  And Paul's prayer in Colossians 1 is a foundation for me....."I ask that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

I rest in His sovereignty, asking that He bring glory to Himself through my life and its trials, at the same time longing for health.

Thank you for joining us in prayer so faithfully.  And your gentle inquiries and encouraging words also mean a great deal.  Bless you, each one.

A Quick Update

Dear Ones, this is just a quick update to let you know that I've started the new meds (Nystatin) for Candida yeast overgrowth, which the insurance is covering, praise God.  The meds can make me feel as bad as the disease and it continues to be a rough patch.  However, since it appears that the meds are making me feel sick, that would seem to indicate that there is an overgrowth of Candida, so we'll stay the course and see how things go over the next couple of months.

I so appreciate your prayers during these coming weeks.  It's really a day-at-a-time, sometimes an hour-at-a-time getting through the nausea and tiredness when they hit hard.  It helps to have low-key things to do, so I try to have projects at hand to distract me, so to speak.  :-)

In the midst, my dear daughter Jessie has a wonderful blog post today about the centrality of Christ.  It brought a sense of undergirding to me today.  She is a wonderful writer and if you'd like to read it and perhaps be blessed as I was, you can read it here.

Thanks so much for praying.  I'll keep you updated as we go along here.

Every Day......

In this you greatly rejoice,

even though now for a little while, if necessary,

you have been distressed by various trials, 

so that the proof of your faith,

being more precious than gold which is perishable,

even though tested by fire,

may be found to result in

praise and glory and honor

at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

1 Peter 1:6 & 7

Over two years ago, I posted this verse and these song lyrics in an update on this blog.  I was looking at the lyrics again tonight and realized how the truth of them remains through the days and months of life, because they are based on the truth of Scripture.  I love this song.  I can now offer a link to it on YouTube.

Every Day

In Your grace You know where I walk.

You know when I fall, You know all my ways.

In Your love I know You allow

what I cannot grasp to bring You praise.

Thank You for the trial,

for the fire, for the pain.

Thank You for the strength,

Knowing You have ordained every day.

Your great power is shown when I'm weak.

You help me to see Your love in this place.

Perfect peace is filling my mind

and drawing my heart to praise You again.

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need

to know You're with me every day.

Joel Sezebel and Todd Twining

The past two weeks have been another rough patch along the trail.  I've been blessed with two good days, one of which was today and the other of which was last Thursday, and an incredible gift.  I was able to go to Tillamook with some of my quilt group and view antique quilts at the Latimer Textile and Quilt Center.  If you'd like, you can read about our day here.  It was fabulous and I'm so grateful to the Lord for blessing me with that day.

I talked with my doctor again yesterday, a week earlier than anticipated.  I've been struggling with a number of new symptoms and I'm just so confused.  The doctor thinks there's a good chance that Candida yeast has reared its ugly head, so we'll be treating for that as soon as the insurance company gets on board.  I dealt with the same thing about 25 years ago when my daughter Maggie was a baby.  In some people it just never really goes away, and vigilance is the best treatment.  While my diet isn't conducive to feeding yeast, all the meds I've been taking can trigger a flare.  So, we'll see what happens when I start the new meds.  If it is yeast, I'll be experiencing die-off symptoms (which can be pretty tough) and then we'll know.  If nothing happens, we're probably barking up the wrong tree.

I'm going to close for tonight, but I'll write again soon and let you know how things are going.

Bless you, each one.