We solicit your prayers......

...your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

Matthew 6:8

It's been over two years since I last wrote with an update.  Wow.

First, I would tell you that over these past two years, I have gained so much ground, health-wise.  Many of my issues are more under control and I've gained back most of the weight I had lost. I am able to walk for a number of miles, ride my bike, and work in the business my daughter and I own.  I am so grateful.

The remaining difficulty which we have not been able to resolve is MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity).  It basically keeps me at home most of the time because the common, everyday chemicals and fragrances which abound everywhere make me very sick.

With the MCS issue in mind, the prayer request we have right now is for a new place to live.

We found out a month ago that our landlord’s son is getting married and he wants to live in the house we occupy.  We have until June 30th to move.

Because of the MCS, it is not an easy thing for us to find a place where I can live.

The walls, carpets, draperies, woodwork and duct work in a house hold onto the chemicals and fragrances that are in common, everyday products like detergents, soaps, shampoos, perfumes, scented candles, cleaning products - the list goes on - and once a house is contaminated with some of these - especially oil-based fragrances - it's very challenging to be able to rid a house of the contaminants to the point that I can live in it.

The same is true of a new house that is out-gassing from paints, flooring, etc, and old houses often have mold issues here in the Northwest.

We are looking at a house now, but it is questionable as to whether we'll be able to clean it to the point I can live in it.

Please pray with us for the provision of a house by June 30th that will not make me sick, and that will fit our family and our business.

Recently I read THIS BLOG POST.  It is a very good description and explanation of what it's like to navigate life with this condition.  If you're interested in learning more about it, it's a good read.

As always, thank you for your prayers!

In Adversity and in Ease of Way.......

Yesterday was a day that could have changed the course of our lives.....but it didn't.  It didn't.

The enemy tried to seed my mind with fear while we waited for the test results, and my thoughts went the route of anticipating the "worst," though I battled against it.  I had done really well until the day before when I got a call from the doctor's office saying he wanted to schedule me to go over the imaging.  I'd already been scheduled, so it kind of threw me.  You know how the mind can take off and go bad places.

But the sonograms showed nothing at all of concern.  Nothing.  The abdominal "mass" wasn't there on the imaging.  The doctor thinks maybe he felt a muscle in an unusual position.  There is nothing kidney-wise that would indicate cause of back pain, either.  Nothing at all.

So, we are grateful.  So very grateful.  Still no answers about my back pain, but that's better than what it could have been.

In the midst of our own blessing, yesterday held a lot of challenges for others we love.  My aunt called to tell me my uncle is in the hospital, having had a seizure.  He has Alzheimer's, and is failing.  It is so hard to watch from a distance.  And a well-loved lady in our community had surgery for ovarian cancer.  There is just so much heartache here on earth.

But, in the midst, He is teaching us that He is the Author and Finisher of our faith and our story.  He is still writing, and has not lost the plot line.

My dear daughter Jessie, also in the midst of the "hard" of life, wrote this poem yesterday and shared it with me.  She has been given such a gift.  I wept as I read.

Dear Father, sore disgruntled do I find

My heart, my mind, my spirit on this day

Upon which overt cloud does ne'ry wind

Blow over the bright sun to cause this grey.

Oh Father, 'tis but life on earth below--

That footstool in the space before Thy throne--

Which agitates and wounds me even so,

With forked tongue asserting I'm alone.

We walk in pain, we rail, we even die;

We fail, we lose our way, become undone;

We founder, yea, and ask the reason why--

Full-knowing it's because we're Adam's Son.

"Sweet child," You say when finally I pause,

"Does't thou forget there is another truth--

The Dayspring Who has taken up the cause

Of Adam's race and spent on it His Youth,

His sole ambition, power, and His life?

These darkened days prolong for purpose one:

To make of thee a strong and noble wife

Fit finally to be wedded with My son."

In silence then I sit with hand on mouth

Like Job before the whirlwind as of old

Lest there escape my lips a word uncouth

To contradict this myst'ry I've been told.

Let, then, this timely chiding be our bliss:

We are but players half-way through our play.

So gird we up like men our loins with this:

Our faith is pledged unto a brighter day.

Copyright © 2016 Jessie Erickson

Amen.  And amen.

Thank you so much for praying with us.  I say it again and again, and I mean it more every time.

Imaging this week....

For you formed my inward parts,

You wove me in my mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

Not only did He form my inward parts, He can see them when the rest of us can't!

I was able to visit my new primary care provider at the end of December and he has ordered some imaging which will be happening this Wednesday.

He doesn't think there's anything going on structurally with my back, and because of that he couldn't order imaging for my back, but he found an abnormality in my gut that he wants to explore, and also to re-check some pelvic stuff.  So in the end, the same things will be accomplished.

We'd appreciate prayer that if there's anything to be discovered, it will be clear and plain as to what is going on.

Thanks so much for your prayers!

Brief Update......

"Therefore, the LORD will wait that He may be gracious to you."

Isaiah 30:18

This morning, Charles Spurgeon spoke to me across the decades from his devotional "Morning and Evening."  I am so grateful for his faithful service.  His ministry continues, though he has been with Jesus for over 100 years.  If you are struggling with unanswered prayer, you might like to read the passage below.  I'll give a brief update after it.

"God often delays in answering prayer. We have several instances of this in sacred Scripture. Jacob did not get the blessing from the angel until near the dawn of day—he had to wrestle all night for it. The poor woman of Syrophenicia was answered not a word for a long while. Paul besought the Lord thrice that "the thorn in the flesh" might be taken from him, and he received no assurance that it should be taken away, but instead thereof a promise that God's grace should be sufficient for him

If you have been knocking at the gate of mercy, and have received no answer, shall I tell you why the mighty Maker has not opened the door and let you in?  Our Father has reasons peculiar to Himself for thus keeping us waiting.

Sometimes it is to show His power and His sovereignty, that men may know that Jehovah has a right to give or to withhold.

More frequently the delay is for our profit. You are perhaps kept waiting in order that your desires may be more fervent. God knows that delay will quicken and increase desire, and that if He keeps you waiting you will see your necessity more clearly, and will seek more earnestly; and that you will prize the mercy all the more for its long tarrying.

There may also be something wrong in you which has need to be removed, before the joy of the Lord is given. Perhaps your views of the Gospel plan are confused, or you may be placing some little reliance on yourself, instead of trusting simply and entirely to the Lord Jesus. Or, God makes you tarry awhile that He may the more fully display the riches of His grace to you at last.

Your prayers are all filed in heaven, and if not immediately answered they are certainly not forgotten, but in a little while shall be fulfilled to your delight and satisfaction. Let not despair make you silent, but continue instant in earnest supplication."

Our good and His glory.  Amen.

Since last time.....

Blood test results have come back.  Nothing is showing up that would indicate there's anything wrong with any organs that might be causing back pain.

After a long process, I once again have a primary care provider who can refer for imaging, etc.  I have an appointment with him at the end of this month.

I'd appreciate prayer that he would agree that imaging would be helpful in determining causes for my back pain, and then that if there is anything that can be revealed by imaging, it would show up.

If there is no explanation, then there's no explanation, and that in itself is helpful in giving peace of mind, knowing we've done all we know to do.

Thanks so much for praying with us!

Prayer Request.......

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all—

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Just a short note to ask for prayer.

About a week after I wrote my last update, I started having problems again.  Some are familiar - my gut is back to its old tricks - and some are new - I'm dealing with foggy brain, light headedness and dizziness, as well as back pain and leg weakness.  Today I had to come home from my normal activities of the day.

I have started walking the medical pathway, starting first with my neck doctor.  All was clear there.  Tomorrow I see Dr. Matt to get his counsel.  My suspicion is that I'll to need to see an MD (because of insurance) and get some imaging done.

Please pray for us as we walk yet another unknown path.  And for wisdom for the doctors as they try to figure out what's going on this time.

I love the song, "In Christ Alone," and I lean on the truths it holds.  Please pray that I can keep that truth ever before me, and my heart tethered to His.

Thanks so much for praying for me and for my family.

Bless each of you.

Update.....

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped:

For You have been my help,

And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 28:7 & 63:7

Keep me within Your shadow,

Lord, tether my heart to Yours.

I want nothing without Your presence.

Hillsong

It has been on my mind and heart to write an update of the past year and what the Lord has done.

In my last post a year ago, we had just begun to understand that my issues are largely neurological, my system having "jumped the track" as a result of major stress 5 years ago.  We have worked on trying to retrain my system so it will function properly.  There has been some limited progress on that front, but the unrelenting nausea continued.

In February of this year, we met a gal who has helped a lot of people succeed in losing weight. I started going to her in the hopes that she could help me gain.  I am delighted to report that over several months I have gained 8 pounds, putting me over the 100# mark, which has caused great rejoicing!  An unexpected thing happened in the process.  While eating way more than I feel comfortable eating, the nausea ebbed away and I now seldom deal with long bouts of feeling as if I have the flu.  For this we are incredibly grateful!

I have also been able to do some mild exercise, which is wonderful.  I have loved getting outside and walking during our lovely Northwest summer months.

There are a couple of things that remain for which we are seeking solutions, and for which we would covet your prayers.

My back has been doing pretty well as long as I manage stress judiciously. But I took a fall a few months ago which messed up my normal adjustment and alignment, and we're having a bit of a struggle getting the adjustment to hold.  As a result, I've been troubled with back pain again. We are praying for adjustments to hold without having to go through the whole x-ray process again, which is costly.

The other thing -- and this is the one that limits me the most -- is the Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) affliction.  Rather than improving, my sensitivities have intensified, making it difficult to be in public places -- so I don't get out much.  We recently started attending a church we love, and have mostly worked out a way for me to be there without having to leave because of reactions, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the fragrances around me.  The root of the problem is that my body can't detox normally.

We have a two-part plan that we hope to implement.  My doctor has prescribed something that we hope will help my body detox properly, thereby enabling me to be around everyday toxins like others are able to do.  We also need to get the mercury fillings out of my mouth and replaced with less toxic material.  Because mercury leaks out of fillings, there's a constant influx of toxic material into my system which contributes to the MCS.  Removing and replacing the fillings is a process that is difficult on bodies that have detox issues, so it's a double-edged sword, so to speak.  And it's costly, as well.  We're praying for a pathway through this forest.

Throughout this year, the resounding theme for me has been the recognition that infirmity tethers my heart to His.  I don't ever want to lose that tether.  I don't want anything without Him.

Last week in our study of Job at church, one of the illustrations shared was that in the midst of suffering, children cling to their mommy or daddy, trusting them implicitly.  They don't want to be anywhere else.  That is the picture I want to keep in my mind and heart in the midst of whatever suffering I endure....clinging to my Abba Father and trusting Him completely, not wanting to be anywhere else.

Thank you for your prayers for us.  I still can't imagine where we'd be without you!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!

I will give thanks to You

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are your works,

and my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

When our kids were little, I remember making for each of them a set of 3x5 cards strung on a binder ring with each card holding a verse of Psalm 139.  We worked on memorizing the Psalm.  It has stuck with me!

Tonight I watched a video depicting the journey we have all taken from conception to birth.  It was incredible.  Truly the miracle of our creation shows how fearfully and wonderfully we are made.

Earlier in the day I had an appointment with Dr. Matt, which in itself is an answer to prayer.  And as we talked, it became apparent that this "fearfully and wonderfully made" aspect of us is so far beyond anything we can comprehend.  Science scratches the surface, and the little bits we can fathom are mind-blowing.  

Matt had read my test results from earlier this year, and once again they are pretty normal.  Nothing to indicate major problems anywhere.  He then started to explain that he thinks my issues are based in an autonomic nervous system (ANS) that has jumped the track, so to speak, and just doesn't know how to function properly anymore. (In my case, this is due to major stress 4 years ago.)  The simple explanation is that the ANS is comprised of two branches; sympathetic and para-sympathetic, and is responsible for regulating most of the body's automatic internal functions. Like digestion.  Where it gets so fascinating to me is how the heart plays into all this.  Here's a quote that says it better than I can:

"Most of us have been taught in school that the heart is constantly responding to “orders” sent by the brain in the form of neural signals. However, it is not as commonly known that the heart actually sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart! Moreover, these heart signals have a significant effect on brain function—influencing emotional processing as well as higher cognitive faculties such as attention, perception, memory, and problem-solving. In other words, not only does the heart respond to the brain, but the brain continuously responds to the heart."

The Science Behind HeartMath

So what does this mean for me?  The nutshell version is that the heart and nervous system (physiological) and mind and emotions (psychological) are so intertwined that when they are not synchronized properly, there is imbalance and illness, both physcial and/or emotional.  Matt's recommendation is to pursue using a treatment that has been developed to help re-train the body to synchronize all the systems (in my case, get the ANS back on track) and thereby achieve better health.  It's something I can do at home, which is awesome.  So, we're praying about it and looking into it.

Thank you for praying for me.  For us.  Your kind words and support have been a balm for all of us and we are so grateful.

I will keep you posted on how things go from here.

Bless you, each one.

If you are interested in more information and trying to get a better understanding of what I've only touched on here, the "Science Behind HeartMath" link above will take you to an article about it.

ALSO.....

For you local people, Matt has opened his practice here in Chehalis at Thorbeckes, Room 105.  Here is a link to his website.  I highly recommend him.  I've never had a better doctor.  Seriously.

Angove Family Medicine

He is the LORD.....

"He is the LORD;

let Him do what is good in His eyes."

1 Samuel 3:18

"If I see God in everything, He will calm and color everything I see. Perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same, but if Christ is brought into my [situation] as my Lord and Master, He will "surround me with songs of deliverance" (Psalm 32:7). To see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of my [situation], "Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

From Streams in the Desert

September 17

Indeed, He is the LORD.  Let Him do what is good in His eyes. For I/we cannot see as He can and His sight is perfect.

I have delayed giving updates this summer during this waiting time.  But as it continues to extend, I had the prompting to write today and at least give a short status report.

Dr. Matt is still setting up his new practice and as such has not been able to see me yet.  We are grateful that he will be closer to us, in our own city even, and look forward to his care for our family.

In the interim, I have tried a couple of new things in the hopes of taming the nausea.  Earlier in the summer, I tried essential oils, which kept it at bay for 9 days.  It was wonderful.  But then it came crashing down again.  In the past 3 weeks, I've also tried acupuncture.  After the first treatment, I felt amazingly well for 3 1/2 days. The best I've felt in about 4 years.  And then it came crashing down again, and after subsequent treatments, I have had very rough days.

In reflecting on the various treatments I've tried over these 4 1/2 years, there have been several times that I've felt better briefly, but then the nausea returns.  Still no clues on what is causing it.  Humanly speaking, it seems there should be a discernable cause that can be treated, but no light yet.

In the midst, I am, as always, so very grateful for my wonderful family members who stand with me through it all, showing their love and care in so many ways, and for my friends who are an extended loving support network.  Thank you all.

Yesterday, in the midst of a very difficult day, I had the blessing of this loveliness, through the hand of my dear daughter and the gardens of friends.  Bless you all.  You know who you are. :-)

I think what we would appreciate prayer for right now is perseverance and endurance in the midst.  We, of course, don't know what the future holds.  We don't know when I'll be able to see Matt again.  We don't know if anything will ever help.  But we know that James says, "Count it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,"  and we want to appropriate that truth.

Thank you for praying with us through all these years.  You are a great blessing to us all.

A Personalized Prayer from Ephesians....

"I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened,

so that I will know what is the hope of Your calling,

what are the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints,

and what is the surpassing greatness of Your power

toward me who believes.  These are in accordance with

the working of the strength of Your might

which You brought about in Christ

when You raised Him from the dead...."

Ephesians 1:18-20

I'm reading in Ephesians in my devotional time, and I love Paul's prayers.  They are always so full of truth and power.  This one is on my heart and mind today.  Especially "His power toward me who believes."  His power in me to walk the road He has for me today.  And tomorrow.  And next week, and so on for the rest of my life.  His power in me, not mine.

I'm in a rough patch again that hasn't let up for about 2 1/2 weeks.  I've had just a couple of good days in that stretch of time, and I'm kinda wearing thin.  I would so appreciate your prayers as we wait for things to come together for the reading of tests and the next step.

In my last missive, I mentioned that there were a couple of things standing in the way of getting the tests read.  One of them has been taken care of, and now we are waiting for the second one to be solved, it being that Dr. Matt is in the process of opening his own practice and isn't yet able to see patients.  We are eagerly awaiting the time that he is open for business.

Meanwhile, I would so appreciate your prayers for a couple of things.  For me, perseverance.  Some days it is hard not to just want to curl up and hope it all goes away.  I am grateful for the temperament and personality the Lord has given me that make it hard for me to not fight to keep going.  If I didn't have that drive, it would be easy to loose ground and sink. And then for my family.  It is continually hard on my dear husband and my children, who are powerless to do anything to change my situation.  And I need to not carry that burden, either.

In the midst, I am so grateful for my family and my friends who are so supportive of me.  It would be so hard if I were alone in this.  And I am so grateful for all of you who pray for me, for us.  You are a continual blessing in our lives.  Thank you.

His eye is on the sparrow.....

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground

outside your Father's care.

And even the very hairs of  your head are all numbered.

So don't be afraid; you are worth more

than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:29-31

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

The bell choir at church played this song this morning, and then I just read a bit in a Corrie ten Boom book that included the lyrics.  Truth and blessed reminder.

I haven't updated here in months.  There has really been very little to share, and yet so many of you let me know that you continue to faithfully pray for me.  It is humbling to know this.

My symptoms have remained basically the same.......cyclic nausea, inconsistent food reactions, back pain somehow related to gut issues, and just feeling tired and lousy alternating with some good stretches.  I've come to calling the difficult stretches "slumps."  Since I last wrote, I've seen a new Primary Care Physician locally and gone through several tests which revealed nothing new other than an ovarian cyst that is not problematic.  And then I've seen Dr. Matt and gone through another battery of tests at his suggestion.  He thinks that it is possible that my gut issues are rooted in neurological causes rather than just imbalances in gut flora.  Among the jobs our neurological systems do is the segment that are involuntary, such as heartbeat and digestive processes.  When the neurological system gets messed up through viruses or stress, it can sometimes "jump the track" and have a hard time rebooting.  

So the first set of tests was to determine whether I have resident viruses such as Epstein Barr and the like.  Those came back negative, thankfully.  Then I underwent another set of tests (neuro/endocrine) that determine whether there is evidence of "track jumping" as a result of stress.  Those results are back, but there are a couple of things standing in the way of getting them read.  Hopefully those will be resolved soon.

So, meantime, I am continuing to learn how to navigate the good stretches and bad stretches, and am so grateful that I have a family who loves and cares for me in the midst of it all.  And my Heavenly Father Who works all things for good in the process of conforming me to the image of His Son.  Which is priceless.

Thanks for your faithful prayers.  They mean a great deal to all of us.

Wait for the Lord....

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:14

A commentary on waiting...........

I'm reading a book by Paul David Tripp entitled "A Shelter in the Time of Storm."  It's a group of meditations on God and trouble based on Psalm 27.  The section I read this morning is about waiting and why we struggle to "be strong, and let [our] hearts take courage."  Mr. Tripp addresses the question with this:

"Perhaps the answer is found in Romans 4:18-21.

• "In hope against hope he believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, "SO SHALL YOUR DESCENDANTS BE."  Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform."

Why did Abraham grow stronger in faith as he waited those many long years?  It isn't because he played mental denial games.  No, the passage makes it very clear that he faced the facts of the situation head on.  In his time of waiting, Abraham had a very different experience than we often do, because Abraham did something that we often fail to do.  Here it is: the temptation, in times of waiting, is to focus on the thing we are waiting for, all the obstacles that are in the way, our inability to make it happen, and all of the other people who haven't seemed to have had to wait.  Along with this we rehearse to ourselves how essential the thing is and how much we are daily losing in its absence.  All of this increases our feelings of helplessness, our tendency to think our situation is hopeless, and our judgment that waiting is futile.

While it's true that Abraham considered the facts, they weren't the focus of his meditation.  No, his focus was on the God who had made this promise. Every day Abraham would get up and remind himself that the God who had made the promises on which he was waiting was absolutely able to deliver them.  The God who made heaven and earth would have no trouble causing an old woman to deliver a promised child!  Abraham didn't fill his mind with his own weakness and the seeming futility of the situation. No, he filled his mind again and again with the glory of God's immeasurable power, and as he did, he grew stronger and stronger in faith."

This brought me encouragement in truth and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Book review....

I just wanted to let you know that I did a book review over on my other blog.  It has helped me a great deal as I walk the road of infirmity.  So, so helpful.

Polishing God's Monuments by Jim Andrews

I highly recommend getting a copy of this book!

Encouragement in tribulation......

This morning's reading in "Streams in the Desert" is a beautiful analogy that I want to share.  It encouraged me once again to remember that God knows what He's doing and to mess with that is not profitable.

Bless your day today!

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

I kept for nearly a year the flask-shaped cocoon of an emperor moth. It is very peculiar in its construction. A narrow opening is left in the neck of the flask, through which the perfect insect forces its way, so that a forsaken cocoon is as entire as one still tenanted, no rupture of the interlacing fibers having taken place. The great disproportion between the means of egress and the size of the imprisoned insect makes one wonder how the exit is ever accomplished at all -- and it never is without great labor and difficulty. It is supposed that the pressure to which the moth's body is subjected in passing through such a narrow opening is a provision of nature for forcing the juices into the vessels of the wings, these being less developed at the period of emerging from the chrysalis than they are in other insects.

I happened to witness the first efforts of my prisoned moth to escape from its long confinement. During a whole forenoon, from time to time, I watched it patiently striving and struggling to get out. It never seemed able to get beyond a certain point, and at last my patience was exhausted. Very probably the confining fibers were drier and less elastic than if the cocoon had been left all winter on its native heather, as nature meant it to be. At all events I thought I was wiser and more compassionate than its Maker, and I resolved to give it a helping hand. With the point of my scissors I snipped the confining threads to make the exit just a very little easier, and lo! immediately, and with perfect case, out crawled my moth dragging a huge swollen body and little shrivelled wings. In vain I watched to see that marvelous process of expansion in which these silently and swiftly develop before one's eyes; and as I traced the exquisite spots and markings of divers colors which were all there in miniature, I longed to see these assume their due proportions and the creature to appear in all its perfect beauty, as it is, in truth, one of the loveliest of its kind. But I looked in vain. My false tenderness had proved its ruin. It never was anything but a stunted abortion, crawling painfully through that brief life which it should have spent flying through the air on rainbow wings.

I have thought of it often, often, when watching with pitiful eyes those who were struggling with sorrow, suffering, and distress; and I would fain cut short the discipline and give deliverance. Short-sighted man! How know I that one of these pangs or groans could be spared? The far-sighted, perfect love that seeks the perfection of its object does not weakly shrink from present, transient suffering. Our Father's love is too true to be weak. Because He loves His children, He chastises them that they may be partakers of His holiness. With this glorious end in view, He spares not for their crying. Made perfect through sufferings, as the Elder Brother was, the sons of God are trained up to obedience and brought to glory through much tribulation.
--Tract

Streams in the Desert at Crosswalk

As the year wanes.....

"I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

"I will not demand that God explain Himself to me at any time,

for this is characteristic of the unregenerate man.

I must be willing to let God be unreasonable, in my view, if necessary,

because He is not concerned with my understanding, but with my faith.

The unregenerate man sees contradiction in the world

and demands that God justify Himself before him;

the believing man makes no such demand,

but believes God supremely."

W. Glyn Evans from 'Daily With the King'

The quotation above is something I read recently and it reinforced what I know to be true.  God is God, He doesn't have to answer to anyone, and He can do whatever He wants to.  The key to intimacy with Him is to recognize this truth and walk in faith, believing Him "supremely," without demanding He answer my questions or my pleas for changed circumstances.  Period.  There's freedom in that.  :-)

2013  is closing its eyes and tomorrow 2014 will be rising, a clean slate of a year, the events yet unknown.  I'm looking forward to it!  In light of that, I thought I'd give just a bit of an update.

There really isn't much to report.  I am still basically in the same place physically as I've been for a long time.  I have gained about 2 pounds over the past 5 or 6 weeks, which is a really good thing.  And then I did receive one piece of information that has been helpful to my psyche, that being the chronic pancreatitis that I've had for the past few years, is most likely responsible for the cyclic nature of my "ups and downs, good days and bad days."  Somehow knowing this has helped me deal with the more difficult stretches.  In the reading that I've done on chronic pancreatitis, I've become aware that 70% of chronic cases are triggered by bouts of acute pancreatitis brought on by alcohol abuse.  30% is idiopathic, meaning there is no known reason for it's appearance.  This is the category into which I fall.  The only thing I've discovered that may be related to my issues is it is sometimes brought on by major stress. *Ding Ding Ding!*  To quote a little movie sidekick, "Stress, it's a killer, Sir."

At this point, I don't really know if there's anything I can be doing to help my pancreas heal, other than to dial back my activities, work diligently to manage my stress levels in the areas over which I have some control, and get lots of rest.  I'll be talking more extensively with my doctor in January about whether he has any additional recommendations for encouraging pancreatic healing outside of what we're already doing.

So, I extend to you a blessing in the last hours of 2013 here on the west coast:

The LORD bless you, and keep you; 

The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; 

The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' 

Numbers 6:24-26

Again and always, thank you so much for praying with us through these years.  You are each such a blessing to us.

Come with Me to a quiet place.......

"Come with Me to a quiet place,

........and rest."

Mark 6:31

"Your relationship with the Lord should never be legalistic.

It should be because you want to be with Him,

because you need to be with Him."

Kay Arthur

Yesterday I read the above quotation by Kay Arthur.  For those of you who don't know who she is, she has been writing and teaching inductive Bible Studies for decades.  Her earthly platform has been Precept Ministries.  I took and taught Precept courses in the 80's and 90's, and much of my spiritual foundation was formed through those studies.  Her life is an example of the passion of loving Jesus, and reveling in the fact that He loves her, even her, after all she has done that is not glorifying to Him.  I want that in my life, too.  Remembering what it cost Him to save me, even me, and loving Him, wanting to be with Him, needing Him so.

Then today I came across the Mark passage in a most unlikely place.  We are on the hunt for a different vehicle, and I was at a local auto dealer checking out a rig.  On the wall of the dealership office was a tapestry with Mark 6:31 on it.  I had actually yearned for a passage that expressed the heart of Jesus toward me, inviting me to just be with Him because He wants to be with me --  kind of like the basis on which Kay's quotation was made from the human side of the relationship -- and here it was, totally unexpectedly.  

In the midst of the ongoing search for understanding what my body is doing and not doing, I had a good phone appointment with my doctor, Matt, on Monday.  We went over the DNA stool test results, and even delved a little into the genetic testing results that he has started to wade through.  There is SO much.

As I understand it -- and my understanding is limited at best -- I have thyroid issues; I need to boost my amino acid intake to help with protein issues and hopefully weight gain; my immune response is low;  I continue to have an imbalance in good/bad intestinal bacteria and there is yeast present, both of which contribute to my intestinal health and digestive issues (dysbiosis); I have some MTHFR mutations, the bottom line of which means that I have problems with processing B vitamins and with detoxing, among other things.  (It is very confusing to me and I don't really have a handle on it yet.  HERE is an article that simplifies the MTHFR information and helped it make some sense to me.)

I am on a treatment plan that addresses all of the above issues and am taking meds and supplements for the thyroid problems, the amino acid issues, several things that are working to help support my immune response, more and different meds/supplements to help with gut dysbiosis represented by the bacteria and yeast imbalances, and then a couple of things to help with the results of the MTHFR mutations.  

It's yet a long haul.  I am still very much up and down in how I feel, often in the same day.  :-)  Nonetheless, God never changes and without Him I can do nothing anyway, the learning of which is something I value greatly in the midst of this time in my life.

In talking with a friend not too long ago, I expressed that I desire to be well, so much.  At the same time, I am not kicking against where I am and am content to be here because it is where God has me.  And I don't want to be anywhere He doesn't want me.  I know there are those who may say that God doesn't want me sick.  And perhaps that is true, but the fact is that I am.  And if I'm not accepting of that and thanking Him for it, I am not in the right place.  I think of Amy Carmichael who was sick a long time.  Her testimony has been an encouragement to so many people through the decades, and God has been glorified through it.  That's what I want, as well, to glorify Him no matter my condition in this life.  Whether I am ill or well, hurting or not, I want His glory to be the focus, and then trust Him for me.

I think what we'd appreciate prayer for most at this point is that God will give Matt the supernatural ability to discern what my test results actually mean and the best course to treat what he finds.  The other thing is that with introducing so many new treatment elements, it's hard to discern those to which I might be reacting or, conversely, those which are doing good.  And my responses to food and supplements aren't necessarily consistent anyway, so it makes it doubly hard in some ways.

Thanks so much for praying with us.  We appreciate you greatly, each one.  Bless you.

The deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love.

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus.

From The Deep, Deep Love

Sovereign Grace Music Company

This song has been running through my mind for days.  So much truth in so few words.  ALL I need is His love.  His deep, deep love.  No matter the storms that this life brings.  No matter the joys, either.  He doesn't often leave us without the blessing of the love of others, or of the blessings and joys of the fullness of life.  Those blessings are part of His deep, deep love.  But in the end, it is His love that I need.  All I need.

In the past month, I've mostly been dealing with the same old stuff with a few new difficulties added in here and there.  We had a bit of a scare last week with weight loss again and difficulty with finding things to eat, so I talked with Dr. Matt on Friday and in the process we went over my recent blood work and discovered a few things that we can work on.  Low thyroid, low protein, low B and D vitamins (not a big surprise!), and low glucose levels which he thinks could be at least partly responsible for the continuous nausea.  So, I'll be starting natural thyroid this week, I'm taking an amino acid supplement for the protein problems and will be using highly absorbable B and D vitamin drops.  For the low glucose he is recommending trying some of the more innocuous (to me) fresh fruits every few hours to try to bring those levels up.  Then he has ordered another DNA stool test because he learned at a seminar a couple of weeks ago that there have been many false test results coming out of some of the labs, the one I previously used being one of them. We'll be using the only one of the bunch that hasn't had false results.  So, that's on the docket to try to see if we can determine why I'm continuing to have so many gut issues, regardless of the treatments we've tried.  The genetic testing results won't be back for another few weeks, so no news on that front yet.

In the midst of my health issues, our family is struggling with one of those heart-hurting situations in life that I'm not at liberty to talk about.  But it weighs heavily on all of us, and we would covet your prayers that God would have His way and use it for the good of those who love Him, and in the process bring glory to Himself.  He is so able.  

Thanks, once again, for praying with us.  We are so, so grateful.  Bless you, each one.

Fearfully and wonderfully made......

I will give thanks to You,

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Thank you to those of you who have inquired about my appointment today.  I'll give a brief overview before I drop into bed.  It's been a long day.

My time with Dr. Matt was good, as it always is.  He is one of the best listeners I've met, my husband being THE best.  :-)  After giving him a verbal update on the past year since I last saw him, we talked about the different possibilities of what is going on.  He zeroed in on "genetic mutation" and we spent the rest of the appointment talking about that.  It's not something I am familiar with at all, other than having heard about it for the first time a couple of weeks ago.  It is a rising field in the world of medicine and those who are researching and teaching about it are working at raising awareness.  To date, it is the deepest level of medicine we have available to us, being that it works at the genetic, cellular level.

My understanding of it is very minimal, but what I'm gathering is that when genes mutate, the ability of the cells to communicate and fulfill their function is impaired resulting in the inability to detoxify properly, as well as other functions being altered, resulting in disease.  That's the minimalistic understanding I have at this point.  Different mutations affect different bodily functions from mental to cardiovascular to digestive, etc.

The testing for these mutations has historically been prohibitively expensive, which has limited the ability of many to pursue this area of medical help.  A woman who was doing research on genetic mutation married someone high up in the Google construct.  He gave her $10 million to help with her research, one of the results being that there is now testing available to the general public for $99.  Matt has recommended that I have the testing done and then he will evaluate the results and, if this is what is going on, start trying to put the puzzle pieces together to devise a treatment plan.  There is no wonder-drug treatment to fix the mutations, rather finding ways to help the cells do their jobs in spite of the mutations.

Again, my knowledge of this is extremely limited right now and I don't know if I've gotten this right at all, but I'll share here as I learn more.

It will be a couple of months before we have answers, being that the test results have to come back and then - if this is what we're dealing with - Matt says he'll need about 4 weeks to evaluate and figure out what to do.  Each individual is different and the combinations of mutations and the resultant issues and treatment options are many, and it will take him awhile to sort it all out.

Thank you so much for praying.  I feel as if the Lord did illuminate something for Matt today.  Now we will see if it is what is going on, or if it's one more thing to eliminate in our search.  As I contemplate the possibilities here, I am in awe of the fact that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Truly.

If you're interested in looking at any of this stuff, here are a couple of links:

Dr. Ben Lynch at mthfr.net

23andMe (testing) at  https://www.23andme.com/

No news, just some encouragement that helped me.....

Nothing new to report here, but the Lord has been talking to me again about His strength versus my strength, and different facets of that, and I wanted to share this.  I love how He repeats Himself and helps me to hear Him by doing that.

"Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure.  Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability.  Some succeed enormously; others fail miserably.  But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me.

When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes.  You see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and "coincidences."  You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do.  You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness.*  You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior.  You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me,** desiring that I live in you.  I in you, and you in Me.***  This  is the intimate adventure I offer you." From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

*2 Corinthians 12:9-10   **Acts 17:28   ***John 14:20

It makes me think of a line in my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision.....

"be Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one."

The history of the hymn is fascinating to me.  Apparently it originated in the 6th century in Old Irish, was translated into English in 1905 by Mary Elizabeth Byrne, and then was versified in 1912 by Eleanor Hull and is how we know it today.  Such great words of truth!

Be Thou My Vision 

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

Be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought in the day and the night,

Both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light 

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,

Be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;

Be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;

Be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one. 

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;

Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;

Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:

O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power. 

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Be thou mine inheritance now and always;

Be thou and thou only the first in my heart;

O Sovereign of Heaven, my treasure thou art. 

High King of Heaven, thou Heaven's bright sun,

O grant me its joys after victory is won!;

Great heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Next Steps.....

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is perfected in weakness."

Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grow strong in your weakness.  Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.  This is how you grow strong in your weakness."  From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

This was my devotional reading for yesterday, and I've read it again several times in the past 24 hours.  It is a sweet encouragement to me in the midst.  Frailty and fragility are the things that He is using to to teach me dependence on Him.  Not fight it.  Not try to plan myself out of it.  But relax into trusting Him to give me what I need when I need it.  There is great peace in that.  Not that it isn't hard.  It is.  So very hard at times.  But hard doesn't have to equal turmoil, distress or fear.  So, I thank Him for this very apt Word for me right now.  I love how He does that.  I love Him.

So, after praying and talking and praying some more, Dale and I have decided that I should go back to my original ND, who is a vibrant believer as well as a really good doctor, and see if he can put the pieces together of this 3 1/2-year-long puzzle. I go on the 11th of this month.  That gives me a little time to put together a chronology of the past year's events since I last conferred with him.

As has been characteristic of this journey, God has continued to provide the resources necessary to continue walking the medical path in front of us.  We thank those of you who have blessed us with gifts, and praise God for His provision through His saints.  We are so incredibly grateful.

How you can pray for us:

• My ability to assemble a clear representation of the events and treatments of the past year, the meds I've taken, and the resultant state in which I currently am.
• Encouragement for Dale in the midst.  It's so hard for him to watch me go through this.
• Ditto for the rest of my family.
• Supernatural wisdom for Dr. Matt when I see him on the 11th.  He asks for it every time.  I ask for it for him every time.  Please join us in this request as we expect God to answer.  I pray Colossians 1:9-11 all the time for my doctors and for us as we sift through all the information that comes across my desk, so to speak.

Thank you so much for praying with us.  You are a blessing, each one.

Behold, your God will come.........

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. 

Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not.

Behold, your God will come........."

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened

And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. 

Then the lame will leap like a deer,

And the tongue of the mute will shout for joy.

For waters will break forth in the wilderness

And streams in the Arabah. 

A highway will be there, a roadway,

And it will be called the Highway of Holiness.....

.....the redeemed will walk there, 

And the ransomed of the LORD will return

And come with joyful shouting to Zion,

With everlasting joy upon their heads.

They will find gladness and joy,

And sorrow and sighing will flee away. 

Isaiah 35, selections from verses 1-10

Sometimes I go awhile without writing because there is nothing really new.  Or I feel as if I should just be quiet for a time.  Sometimes I don't want to share because it's the same old thing......no good news.  Some days, like today, I feel the need to write and ask for the prayers of the saints because I am discouraged, frustrated and confused.  Isaiah 35 talks about encouraging the exhausted and strengthening the feeble, speaking truth to those who are anxious.  I need that, and I'm so grateful that His Word always speaks to every situation, is new no matter how many times I read it.  Today is no exception.  I look forward to that part at the end where sorrow and sighing flee away.  :-)

Dale and I covet your prayers as we once again try to figure out the next step.  It seems that every treatment I've undergone has resulted in me feeling worse.  In treating the possibility of Candida, I've been on Nystatin, - two different types - for weeks now with no improvement.  And the past few days have been pretty rugged.

So many thoughts are running through my head as to what to do.  Information from past doctors, new information from outside sources and people who have walked this path, a longing for someone to be able to put all the pieces together and really determine what is going on.

Please pray with us, once again, for God to give light to our path.  And we need wisdom, always.  James says if we ask in faith, without doubting, He will give wisdom.  And Paul's prayer in Colossians 1 is a foundation for me....."I ask that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

I rest in His sovereignty, asking that He bring glory to Himself through my life and its trials, at the same time longing for health.

Thank you for joining us in prayer so faithfully.  And your gentle inquiries and encouraging words also mean a great deal.  Bless you, each one.